


His Touch

by sangchutae



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff and Angst, Gay Sex, M/M, Phobias, Short Chapters, Trauma, disorder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-01-15 10:56:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 32,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18497512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sangchutae/pseuds/sangchutae
Summary: "Don't touch me!"Taeyong has a mysophobia and Jaehyun takes interest in him and his odd behaviour when they happen to run into each other. Later, for Taeyong’s annoyance, they find out that they go to same college.





	1. His fear

**Author's Note:**

> I have published and completed this book already in Wattpad. I’ll upload a new chapter of this story everyday!

**MYSOPHOBIA** = Excessive fear of impurities and germs. Causes person to be extra hygienic and sometimes avoid other people, skin contact and public places.

 

* * *

 

The dry leaves had fallen from the trees on the cold ground. Some would say the weather was perfect and the scenery with colourful trees beautiful. He looked at view in disgust while walking towards the college. He hated it. The autumn. It would mean rain and cold.

He felt an arm grab around his shoulder causing him to flinch. "Are you still like this?"

He immediately knew who was talking and brushed the arm away. He and Ten had been friends since they were little. His friend smiled at him but he turned to look elsewhere. It was their first day of school and he hadn't seen his friend at all whole summer. They were both third years starting today.

"It doesn't just go away, you know that." In his mind everything is dirty. All the places, except his room and his things, are unclean and disgusting. However, the most unclean thing is other people's hands. He can't stand someone touching him or his things.

They reached the doors of their school and he stopped walking. He heard Ten sigh as pushed the door open for him. He can't touch the door handles. If he has to he use his sleeve and sanitizes his hands right after. He didn't want to use gloves to not to draw attention.

"Do you even know how popular you are in this building? Like everyone knows your name." Ten asked as they walked down the aisle. There were many students on the both sides of it. He glanced up to see people staring at him and whispering something.

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm not popular." He saw that people stared at him where ever he went but he never connected it to being popular. He didn't like attention that much.

"You always say that...so what time do you finish your classes?"

"I stay after classes to study in the library."

"I was just wondering if you'd come to the party tonight but I guess you're just studying then. We have only two years left after all." He had never gone to any parties. Yes, Ten had asked him to go with him for hundreds of times even though he knew what the answer would be. But he didn't want to disappoint his friend today.

"I'll go." He muttered, not bothering to look at him.

"What? Did I just hear right? You said _yes_?" Ten stopped walking and shouted that everyone heard. His friend grabbed him on the shoulders but the other just backed away immediately. "Oh sorry..."

"Yeah of course I have to see what a college party is like." He answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He still didn't think it was a good idea. But what is done is done. What he knew about partying was that people got drunk and then danced in the crowd. Taeyong started walking again leaving his shocked friend behind. "I'll see you at 9."

 

* * *

 

"Jaehyun stop running away!" Jaehyun heard the girl shouting after him. He had left her when she had started to get too close to him. Girls were scary but he still had to get along with them. He needed to prove everyone that he was one of them who liked drinking and partying. "Come back here you twat!"

He was trying run through the dance floor between the sweaty bodies to get to the door. He glanced over his shoulders to see if she still followed him. What he saw was three girls now running after him. He wasn't a bad guy. He had just refused to have sex with her and he hadn't expected her to run after him like this. Yeah, he had flirted with her and made her believe that he wanted her but he only did it for a show.

He got outside from the bar and started rushing away. Looking over his shoulder he noticed them still following him. He turned around corner and noticed someone walking towards him. He couldn't let that person to tell those girls that they saw him so he grabbed the person and pulled them in the narrow alleyway. He covered the person's mouth with his hand and pushed them against the cold concrete wall.

What is happening? Taeyong looked at the taller man in front of him. He felt a hand on his mouth making him unable to speak. It was a hand of another person. He was touching his face and it didn't feel right. It was disgusting. The man's other hand was pushing him from his shoulder to keep him in a place. He was standing too close for Taeyong's liking. So close that he could smell the man's scent. He felt his heart beating too fast. The man wasn't looking at Taeyong at all.

Jaehyun was out of breath after that running. After a few seconds he saw the girls running past the alleyway they were standing. Luckily it was dark. He let out a relieved sigh.

He then remembered the person he pulled in his mess. He turned to look in front of him to see big eyes staring coldly at him. It was a young man around his age and damn, he was so beautiful. Jaehyun looked in his eyes just studying him until he noticed the fear in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." Jaehyun quickly let go of him and he saw as he fell on his knees coughing and breathing in sharply. He had not expected him to react that badly. He crouched beside Taeyong and put his hand on his shoulder.

"Don't touch me! Go away!" Taeyong slapped the hand away and backed against the wall. He pointed at Jaehyun with frightened expression. If the man had touched him longer, Taeyong could've gotten a panic attack. He had had one before. He breathed unsteadily and he felt his hands shaking. "What do you want from me?!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you like that." Jaehyun said as he got a bit closer to Taeyong.

"Don't come any closer you filthy thing!" Filthy? Jaehyun didn't get why the other was suddenly thinking that he was up to something dirty. Well yeah, it was kind of suspicious to grab people from the streets like that.

"I'm sorry but I don't have any intention of doing something to you if that's what you're thinking. I grabbed you because I was running away from someone and you happened to be on the way." Jaehyun tried explaining. The beautiful boy just stared at him in fear eyes wide open.

"No! You touched me with that filthy hand of yours!" Jaehyun didn't get what the boys was talking. He lifted his hand to look at it.

"Why is it filthy? It's not like I just did something inappropriate with it." Taeyong stood up and searched something from his bag. Jaehyun noticed that his hands were shaking a lot.

"What's your name?" Jaehyun asked suddenly after staring at the other for some time. He noticed him adding something on his hand from the bottle and rubbed the liquid on his hands. Hand cream? Hand sanitizer?

"It's none of your business!" Taeyong glanced at him and tried to leave but Jaehyun put his hand against the wall to stop him. The alleyway was so narrow that the other couldn't go around him.

"Name?" The shorter looked at him like trash. How could he?

"You're not letting me leave any other way?"

"Oh yeah I can come up with something...maybe a phone number or...a _kiss_? Jaehyun was only joking but the other looked scared suddenly. He was going to apologise but he was interrupted.

"Taeyong. It's Taeyong. Now let me go." Jaehyun let his hand fall and watched the boy rush away. He repeated the name in his mind.

Taeyong felt awful. His heart still wouldn't calm down. A hand had touched his face.

He called Ten to tell him that he was going home. He wanted to take a shower right away. He learned that he'd never try to go to a party ever again.

 

 

 


	2. Steps

"Why didn't you come yesterday? I was so excited and then you didn't even come." Ten asked as he sat down next to Taeyong in a biology class. It was the first lesson of the day and Taeyong was already very tired. He yawned and turned another page of his book before answering his friend.

"I just realised that partying wasn't my thing."

"You didn't even see what it would be like...you- I just can't stand those two." Ten changed the subject when something caught his attention. Taeyong lifted his gaze to see where he was pointing at. He saw two boys walking in the classroom hand in hand. They were a famous couple in school. Of course Taeyong knew who they were exactly: Lucas and Jungwoo. He glanced at his friend who kept looking at the two in disgust. "I can't stand seeing them on each other every time like that."

"I know...me too." The two only held hands but Ten was talking about them like they were doing something inappropriate. Their linked hands caught Taeyong's attention. He wondered if he could ever hold someone's hand like that. He shook his head to get the thought out of his head and turned back to his book. He wasn't envious for the gay couple or anything. He had always thought gays were disgusting. But he didn't really have interest in girls either.

Taeyong sighed and tried to concentrate on the text. "What are you sighing?"

He turned to Ten. "Just...nothing." The teacher walked in the classroom just in time like always and Taeyong turned his eyes in front of the classroom.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"I'll see you tomorrow." Taeyong stood up from his seat after the class ended. He was going to watch their school dance team practising again. He also had been a dancer a few years ago but he had to quit. He still loved it though and if he couldn't dance, he could always watch others dancing. Now he is drowning himself in books he doesn't even like to read to keep his mind occupied.

"You're still going there?" Taeyong sometimes wondered how could Ten know everything he was going to do. He was lucky to have such a good friend. He turned around to face him again. "Why do you just watch them dance and not dance yourself? I know you want to."

Ten had tried to convince him to dance again so many times but without any progress. After he had quit dancing, he changed. He used to be very talktive and enjoyed making new friends but when Taeyong felt awful for disappointing his friend again. He turned to leave after saying his answer. "I can't."

Taeyong was so deep in thoughts that he forgot to watch his steps. He wanted to walk faster but it was impossible in the crowd full of noisy people. He turned around the corner but suddenly fell over. He held his head because he had hit it on something.

"Are you okay?" He heard someone say and hissing in pain also. He saw that someone standing up and then offering their hand for him to take. "Oh, you're that boy from yesterday?! I didn't know we went to same school."

Taeyong lifted his gaze up to notice that same black haired boy from yesterday looking down at him grinning. He was the one that had touched his face. Taeyong felt suddenly very disgusted. The boy took a step closer to him.

"Don't touch me with that disgusting hand of yours!" He backed away in fear the pain in his head long forgotten. The boy lowered his hand and made a confused face. Taeyong looked around for the first time properly. He saw that people were staring at the two of them.

"Taeyong?" Ten came just in time by his side. "What happened? Why are you sitting on the floor? Did he do something to you?" He pointed at Jaehyun in front of them looking clueless.

"I didn't do anything. He ran on to me and called me disgusting." Jaehyun was trying to figure out who this other boy beside Taeyong was. He was happy that he had found the beautiful boy again but didn't let his happiness show.

"Of course you did nothing then why is he so afraid of you?" Ten took a few steps towards Jaehyun and Taeyong stood up from the floor.

"Ten stop, it's not his fault." Ten turned to look at him in worry. Taeyong glanced over his friend's shoulder to lock his eyes with Jaehyun and glared at the confused boy in disgust. "I just ran in to him accidentally."

Taeyong didn't want his friend to know about their meeting yesterday. So instead, he wanted Ten to forget the recent events.

"What is wrong with him?" Jaehyun suddenly spoke causing Ten to turn around again.

"Nothing is wrong with him. He just really dislikes people like you touching him in any way."

"Ten!" He said the name warningly causing the particular person to turn around apologetically. He didn't think his friend would actually tell the stranger his personal things. "Don't tell that for a someone like him."

Jaehyun looked between the two arguing in front of him before leaving them alone. He learned something new about Taeyong and he seemed like fun to mess with. He smirked and continued to walk towards the school cafeteria.

"Yo Jae, what are you smirking?" He turned to the voice to notice his two friends beside him.

"Hi Lucas, Jungwoo." The three of them had been friends since the beginning of grade school. He was envious of the relationship two of them had. They could be openly together unlike Jaehyun who had to mess with girls for his parents sake.

"Tell me." Lucas put his arm around Jaehyun shoulder.

"I found someone interesting." His friends didn't know him being gay. No one else knew than his parents who kicked him out after he had told them. He tried to date girls but that didn't feel right for him.

"A girl?" Lucas asked smirking.

"No, a boy."

"That's nice...what!? _A_ _boy_?!" Jaehyun didn't want to hide the truth from his friends anymore who had no problem with the fact that he was gay as well. He turned to Lucas who looked as shocked as his boyfriend beside him. "You're joking?"

"I'm not."

"How long have y- why didn't you tell us?! You're our best friend!" Lucas was just furious for him keeping it as a secret. Someone else would've been shocked about the other thing.

"Shut up. I have always liked boys." Jaehyun rolled his eyes.

"Who else knows?"

"My parents, but they kicked me out so I tried to change for them but it doesn't work like that, as you know." Lucas went silent for a while.

"Wow."

 


	3. Scent

The next day Jaehyun noticed that people were staring at him more than usual. Normally he could just walk through the crowd without drawing any attention as he was nobody at school. Why would they look at him like that?

He got to the cafeteria and sat beside his friends. "Why are people staring at me?"

He looked between the two that were sitting close to each other at the other side of the table and flirting with each other. They didn't even react when he sat down. Jaehyun got mad. "Hey I'm talking to you! Don't ignore me!"

Jungwoo turned to him first. "Oh you're here. And no one is staring at you." He said and turned back to his boyfriend. Feeling like a third wheel wasn't new to Jaehyun.

"Sure. Whatever." He sighed and turned to look else where. He scanned trough the room and noticed someone familiar. It was Taeyong and his friend from yesterday. How could he have not seen him last year even once. He really stands out just sitting there and staring at his book. Did he have the same blond hair last year?

"Jungwoo, do you know the guy named Taeyong?" He wondered if his friend would even answer him. To his surprise he got both of their attention immediately.

"Don't tell me that he is the one you're after." Jungwoo suddenly wore a serious face. What was so bad about it?

"What?! You're after Taeyong?" Lucas disturbed in the conversation.

"Dear, don't be so loud." Jungwoo hit the back of his boyfriend's head playfully.

"Is that a bad thing?" Jaehyun wasn't understanding why his friends were so shocked to hear about Taeyong. They knew something he clearly didn't.

"Of course it is. Everyone knows his name. But no one tries to talk to him even if they wanted to. Everyone is afraid of him. How come you don't know that about him?" Jaehyun had skipped school so much that he didn't even know a thing going in their school. So it was because of his weird encounter with Taeyong yesterday that people stared at him.

"Why would everyone fear him? He's not that scary." Jaehyun glanced at the direction Taeyong was.

"He is just so cold. I'm warning you: you're gonna break your heart." Jaehyun just shrugged his shoulders not really caring what Jungwoo was telling him.

"I'm not going to break anything if I just want to mess with him a little. I don't believe in love." He saw both of his friends rolling their eyes like always when they talked about this topic.

"Dude, you have no idea what you're missing." Lucas said and Jaehyun stood up ignoring him.

"Just watch." He took off and went towards the table on the other side of the room. He didn't bother to even ask but just sat down next to Taeyong. The blond haired boy stirred farther away from him when Jaehyun's knee brushed with his. He did that on purpose to see Taeyong's reaction. How could someone be so wary of any kind of touching? Jaehyun leaned on his hand studying the boy's side profile.

"Taeyong do you know about- hey what are you doing here?!" Taeyong's friend had just then noticed Jaehyun's presence when he turned to his attention away from his phone. Jaehyun didn't spare him a glance. He noticed that Taeyong's eyes weren't moving on the text. Was he affected by his presence that much or was the book just not good?

"What are you reading?" He tried to start a conversation and gave his most innocent smile.

"You, go away! He doesn't want you sitting there." Ten shouted at him from the other side of the table. Jaehyun turned to him annoyed.

"I have a name too, you know, and it's Jaehyun. As you can see I'm talking to Taeyong, not you so go away." He made a gesture with his hand to get Ten leave them alone and turned back to Taeyong.

Jaehyun examined him noticing his lips forming a thing line. His eyebrows were knitted together slightly making him look so tense. Jaehyun opened his mouth to say something but then the blond boy stood up abruptly. He then exited the room quickly. Jaehyun looked after him as long as possible.

"Why are you looking at him like that?" Taeyong's friend asked him with a frown.

"Like what?" He stood up to leave.

"You better stay away from him..."

"Or what?" Jaehyun didn't bother hiding the smirk on his lips. He didn't know where all of this courage came from. Ten looked taken aback.

"What are you smirking?"

"I asked the question first. What are you going to do? I'm not going to stay away from him. He seems... _interesting_ _,_ " Jaehyun leaned closer to him over the table and Ten backed away cheeks flushing red from embarrassment.

"I-I don't know! J-Just stay away from him!" He stuttered and then left Jaehyun too.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

What is he trying to do? Taeyong didn't understand why the boy apparently named Jaehyun would try to get that close to him. He didn't want to have anything to do with the him. He just made him irritated.

Taeyong was now in bathroom. He needed to escape from that awful feeling he had when the other had sat so close to him. He had felt so uncomfortable. He looked down at the water tap and moved his hand towards it. His hand was slightly shaking. He couldn't touch it. He wanted to but he could never do it and he had tried so many times already only to get more frustrated.

"What are you trying to prove?" Taeyong withdrew his hand immediately when the voice startled him. He lifted his gaze on the mirror and to his not surprise his eyes locked with Jaehyun's reflection. He was wearing again that smirk that didn't really suit him. Taeyong only stared at him as he approached him slowly without breaking the eye contact. When the other stood behind him, Taeyong  still didn't move away. He wasn't sure if he even breathed anymore.

"You're not gonna run away?" He could hear the amuse in Jaehyun's voice. The taller leaned closer to his neck suddenly and Taeyong closed his eyes to be prepared for whatever would be coming next. Why did he close his eyes instead of running away? His breath hitched when he felt the light breathing against his neck. The other's scent was everywhere and with every forced inhale he made he could smell it. The other's close presence made him feel so small and vulnerable and he wasn't sure if he liked it or not.

Jaehyun observed him through the mirror and he could see how tense he was. He was wearing an uncomfortable frown but there was something else too and it wasn't a negative emotion. Anticipation? He wanted nothing more than just ruin the smaller boy right then. Then what is stopping him from doing that? Like he even cared what the other felt. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna touch you...yet."

The warmth disappeared suddenly and Taeyong opened his eyes to see the room empty again. Had he imagined it all? He lifted his hand on his neck where he had felt the breath. He was really going crazy, wasn't he?

 


	4. Hand in hand

After the events in the restroom, Taeyong couldn't concentrate on anything. He kept rewinding the scene over and over again in his mind. What had he meant with that 'yet'? No one could touch him and that included Jaehyun too. He was also bothered by the fact that how he had felt when the other had stood so close to him. Some part of him had wanted to lean on his touch but he'd never admit it and the other part had been scared to death at the same time. His brain was going to explode if he couldn't clear his confusion.

The more he thought about it, the more angrier he got. He was mad at himself but more at the other for making him confused. He needed to set a line between him and Jaehyun that should not be crossed. But the particular guy was nowhere to be seen. It had been a few days already. It was Friday and if Jaehyun didn't show up today he was going to go where ever the other would be. And he knew exactly how to get the information about his whereabouts.

He tapped with his pencil a shoulder which belonged to a person seated in front of him. He didn't know if it was Jungwoo or Lucas but either way both of them turned around.

"Do you know where I could find Jaehyun? I heard you're friends with him." He kept his voice low that no one would pay attention to them. The both of them looked at him like he was crazy when he asked something like that.

"How do you know him?" Other one of them spoke after staring enough.

"Did he do something we need to lecture him about? He's a bit wild sometimes." The other one with lower voice asked.

"No, it's just...I need to talk to him about something, that's all." Taeyong tried not to sound awkward. He noticed the two sharing a quick glance before answering him.

"I'm sure he's at the dorms right now and he'll be back in school next week."

"Is he sick?" Taeyong didn't really get it why else he wouldn't come to school.

"Not really...he's just having a hangover after he drank too much last night."

"Oh right..." Taeyong glanced on his side where he saw his sleeping friend. How could he sleep in a place like this? The table wasn't the cleanest place to lean a head on. "I need to talk to him today. Where is his room?"

 

 

* * *

  

 

 

"Open the door! I need to talk to you!" Taeyong had been knocking for some time already but his efforts seemed worthless.

"Go away! I told you already I'm not going to school! Let me sleep!" He heard Jaehyun's hoarse voice yelling at him. Jaehyun thought he was someone else. Why was he so much against school?

Taeyong tried if the door was even locked. It wasn't. He could've tried that earlier but he didn't want to be rude and just barge in. But he was not a patient person. He sighed and pushed the door open to find a messy room with two beds on either sides of the room. He noticed a bare back laying on the other one. It was probably Jaehyun.

Taeyong looked at the sleeping boy in curiosity. As he quietly got closer he could see that he was hugging his pillow in his sleep. He looked so peaceful like that. Without the ugly smirk on his lips his facial features were much more softer and friendlier.

He then remembered the reason why he came here in the first place and kicked the bed with his shoe.

"Wake up! You can't sleep in the middle of the day!" When he didn't get a reaction out of him, he got more pissed off. He hit Jaehyun's bare side with his shoe firmly but being careful not to break anything. That woke him up finally.

"Ow fuck! What the hell was that for?!" Jaehyun sounded angry. He sat up with a sudden movement causing Taeyong to take a few steps backwards.

"Oh it's you. Hi sweetie. What are you doing here?" Jaehyun's bad mood was gone right away when their eyes met. He smiled at the blond boy in a way that wasn't a smirk. Taeyong only stared at him as he got up and took a random shirt from the floor to wear it and yawned sleepily.  "Missed me already?"

"I just came to tell you that..." Taeyong couldn't get words out of his mouth. What did he want to say? He hadn't prepared anything to say. He just came there to sort out the mess in his head but it wasn't working.

"Yeah?" Jaehyun leaned closer to him and Taeyong started to avoid his gaze. This was bad. Why couldn't he leave? Why couldn't he get the thing over with? When he took a step back again he tripped over something and fell...almost. He would've fallen if a hand around his wrist hadn't prevented it.

"Let go." Taeyong's voice came out unwavering unlike he had expected. He lifted his gaze up to see the taller staring at him up and down. He tried shaking the hand free from the grasp but the fingers tightened more around it. He gave up after some time but then he felt the fingers moving from his wrist to his palm and then the fingers being laced together with his own. The movement made him gasp. He looked down in curiosity. So that was what it was like to hold hands with someone. It was weird...but nice.

He was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't notice when Jaehyun had gotten closer to him. "I know you like it so why do you pretend you don't?" Taeyong didn't dare to look up. He most certainly did not like touching but why wasn't he leaving the room already?

"I-I don't." Taeyong yanked his hand again and now he got it free. He left the room quickly before something else would happen. He breathed in deeply to steady his breathing and leaned against the wall when he got to the corridor. What had just happened? His hand flew on his chest and he could feel how fast his heart was racing.

 


	5. Unavoidable

"I'm not really hungry." Taeyong had just wanted to spend the weekend home but his mom had insisted that he'd go shopping with her. She wanted to spend more time with her only son because when he was home, he was either studying or reading books in his room and she hardly saw him anymore. She felt that Taeyong was trying to distance himself from her for some reason and that was what he wanted to talk about in some restaurant.

"Then at least let's go to that cafe." She was pointing at the coffee shop near by. Taeyong was tired after hours of shopping and wanted nothing more than just to go home. "Please?"

"Whatever." Taeyong gave up and started rushing towards the coffee shop. He didn't want to be more rude to his mom than he already was.

They chose a table where was a nice view on the street. Taeyong observed the passing people trying to ignore the noise in the cafe. Most of the people were walking with a group of friends and some of them were holding hands. He lifted his hand to look at it which reminded him of yesterday. The hand had been held by Jaehyun like that too. As he realised what he was thinking, he shook the thought away and turned to his coffee.

"I've missed this."

"What?" He lifted his gaze up to see his mom smiling happily at him and sipping his coffee.

"This. Just spending time with my son. We never do this anymore. I feel like you've been distancing yourself from me for some time and I don't know why. You know you can tell me anything, right?" Taeyong noticed the concern in her voice. Everything his mom was saying made him feel more terrible. He didn't want her to be miserable because of him but he didn't know what to do. She didn't know anything about his phobia or his social issues. She still thought he was the same talkative and sweet boy he had used to be.

"I know." Taeyong didn't want to worry her more so he thought some things were better left unsaid. He looked again out of the window and spotted a couple arguing about something on the other side of the street. The male had his hands full of shopping bags and the girl was probably complaining about something. The boy then crossed the road and that was when Taeyong knew why they had caught his attention. He quickly hid his face under the table when it looked like he was coming in the coffee shop.

What the hell was Jaehyun doing here? And why is he with some girl? They looked close. Why did he even care who Jaehyun was with? Taeyong heard the door open and he looked up a bit to see him going to order something. He was alone.

"Taeyong? Why are you hiding?" His mom had to talk just then when Jaehyun was in the hearing distance. Taeyong preyed that he wouldn't hear. His prayers were not heard. He noticed a pair of shoes in front of their table and sat up straight. Curses emerged in his mind when his eyes met with Jaehyun's smiling ones.

"What a coincidence seeing you here. What were you doing under the table?" Jaehyun pulled a chair for himself beside Taeyong and put his two coffees on the table.

"Who's this, Taeyong?" He had forgotten his mom who now looked between the two boys in confuse.

"Hi, I'm Jaehyun, Taeyong's...friend. We go to same college." Jaehyun glanced at the boy beside him who looked not so well.

"You are? Taeyong never tells me about his friends. It's really nice meeting you. I'm his mom." How dared Jaehyun lie to his mom that they were friends. They were far from that. Taeyong was just about to tell Jaehyun to go away but he noticed how exited his mom was. He didn't want to ruin her good mood. How come Jaehyun smiled like that his mom's presence but only smirked at him? And she was obviously charmed by him now.

Taeyong ignored the two who were getting comfortable with each other. He turned to look outside again to spotted the girl Jaehyun was with waiting with the shopping bags on the other side of the street. How could Jaehyun just let her wait there alone? He felt guilty for being the reason she had to wait.

Feeling a hand on his thigh made him jump a bit and turn to Jaehyun. He knew Jaehyun would smirk at him now but his mom was watching them so instead he just raised his eyebrow. Taeyong tried moving his leg and the chair away from him but he was trapped between the window and Jaehyun. "So what do you think, _Taeyongie_?"

Since when were they on the nick name basis? They weren't even friends to begin with. Jaehyun moved his fingers slowly on his thigh and Taeyong tried not to squirm. He had not been listening to their conversation and now he was suddenly asked something. "What?"

"Your mom asked me to come visit your home someday. Is that fine to you?" Of course it was not fine. Jaehyun moved his hand up slightly, moving his fingers on circle motion and Taeyong got the hint. He was making him say what he wanted. He wouldn't be satisfied with a negative answer. Jaehyun watched him as he tried to sit still.

"Y-yeah that's fine." Jaehyun removed his hand and turned back in the conversation with his mom. Taeyong left them alone and rushed to bathroom. He didn't want to spend another second near the other. He had enough of harassing.

"Taeyong?" The said boy sighed and turned around to see who else than Jaehyun standing at the doorway. The situation felt too familiar and Taeyong went for the door but the taller blocked it.

"Why can't you just leave me alone? Can't you see that I clearly don't want to have anything to do with you?! Why do you even keep bothering me?" He was now shouting but the other just seemed rather amused. Jaehyun took a step towards to him and leaned closer but the blond backed away immediately.

"If you keep still I'll tell you the reason." That made Taeyong stop and he let the other to walk closer. It was weird to actually _let_ him get that close. Why couldn't he just speak from the distance like normal people did? Taeyong had to restrain himself from backing away again when Jaehyun suddenly leaned so close to his neck that he could feel his breathing on it. What he had not expected was that Jaehyun put both of his hands on his waist. His grip was firm but gentle at the same time and Taeyong thought that if he was to fall now those hands would keep him up easily. He shivered when Jaehyun spoke close to his ear. "Why wouldn't I want to have a pretty boy like you? Even your waist is tiny and pretty."

Taeyong's eyes widened at what he heard. He didn't know what he had expected but that wasn't it at all. He broke away from the grip and slapped Jaehyun across the face without further thinking. "You think it's fun to touch me inappropriately when you know how much I dislike it?! Go find someone else to mess with, oh, you don't have to, your girlfriend is still waiting for you outside! You're disgusting and it's even more disgusting because I'm not gay!!"

Jaehyun looked at him in shock and held his cheek. He had not expected to get that kind of reaction from him. "Don't try to deny it, I know you like me touching you. Even if you're not gay. And I felt you shiver." He smirked at Taeyong who was burning red from anger and embarrasment but he could only think how cute he looked.

"T-That was of course because I disliked it. And I'm not sorry for hitting you."

"You even hit like a girl." Jaehyun snorted and Taeyong stormed out of the room.

 

 


	6. Slap

"How was your weekend?" Ten asked as they walked towards the school. They lived in the same neighbourhood so it was natural for them to walk there together.

"I hit someone."

"Who? Why?" He sounded shocked turned to Taeyong who didn't look at him. It was not likely for Taeyong to actually hit someone. He had never done that before.

"Who do you think. He was getting on my nerves." Ten didn't need to know every little detail.

"You mean that guy Jaehyun?"

"He deserved that."

"Why am I not even surprised? I wanted to hit him too." Ten started laughing loudly earning a confused look from Taeyong. "It's just...so not you to hit someone. I never imagined to hear that from you."

"Stop it." He was meaning him to stop laughing but chuckled a little himself too.

 

* * *

 

 

"Lucas, Jungwoo! Wait!" Jaehyun ran after his friends before they reached school. They didn't turn around even if they clearly heard him. "Why do you always ignore me?" He asked out of breath as he got in front of the two and stopped them.

"Why wouldn't we ignore you when you're always acting like an immature kid. Grow up already." Jungwoo pushed past him dragging his boyfriend along.

"I need your help." He breathed out half hoping they wouldn't hear him. He knew they would scold him again when he told them about his doings. But the two always gave him a good advice. They turned around and Junwoo sighed. Jaehyun knew that was not a good sign.

"So what did you do again?"

"Taeyong hit me. Like here, on my face." He pointed his cheek.

"And you think you didn't deserve that?" Jaehyun only ignored Lucas' comment and continued talking. Jungwoo was better at listening when it came to his problems.

"And I think he's really angry with me. What should I do?"

"So what happened? What did you say to make him do a such thing?" Jaehyun didn't know what to say to not to sound like an idiot. He avoided looking either of them in the eye.

"He asked me why did I bother him so much and I kinda told him in other words that I only wanted to fuck him. Then he just slapped me."

"What the hell Jaehyun? How can you actually say that to another human being? That's just disgusting. I'm on Taeyong's side with this one, you deserved that slap." Jaehyun was embarrassed and he knew he would deserve another slap.

"Then what should I have said? It's not like I like him or anything."

"That's exactly it. If you don't like him then leave him alone. Simple."

"No it's not." Jaehyun felt defeated and confused. Was Jungwoo trying to tell him that he had feelings for the blond boy? Hell no.

"You don't want to leave him alone? Why?"

"It's just..." He needed to choose his words carefully. "I don't know... He's just so beautiful and fuckable and fun to tease."

"In other words, you like him, more than you know. He is probably freaked out by you right now so I suggest that you keep him a distance for a while. And don't tell him things like that ever again. You should try to be friends with him first."

"But I don't like him!"

"Yeah keep trying to tell that to yourself." Jaehyun's two friends left then. He looked around and spotted Taeyong and his friend walking not so far away. His friend, whose name Jaehyun still didn't know, was laughing loudly at something. Jaehyun looked at the two for a while and then he noticed a small smile on Taeyong's lips. He knew how to smile after all. What was so funny that Taeyong, who he had never before seen smiling, smiled like that? He had a beautiful smile and suddenly Jaehyun felt that he wanted to make him smile like that too. He mentally slapped himself to get the thought out of his head.

He wanted to go there and interrupt their chat but Jungwoo's words kept replaying in his mind, suggesting him to keep a distance. Even if he hated to admit it, he knew Jungwoo was right about it after all. Not about the having a crush on the blond male but keeping a distance thing. He didn't have crush on anyone, ever.

Jaehyun snorted and walked after Taeyong and his friend when they had gotten inside. The classes were about to start but he didn't want to be there. He was in that college just because his dad had ordered him to. After he had been kicked out of home he had thought that he could change schools but no. Now he rebelled against him by skipping most of the lessons.

 

* * *

 

 

Two weeks went by and nothing happened. Taeyong had seen Jaehyun on school hallways many times but just walked past him like he was nobody. That was what he had wanted, right? Something was bothering him but he couldn't put a finger on it. He had a few times this odd feeling when their eyes met briefly but then the other just turned away and ignored him totally. Well, it was't like Taeyong had even tried to talk to him.

All kinds of conflicted thoughts were running through Taeyong's mind. Maybe he was ignoring him because he had hit him? Should he apologise? Why would he need to apologise? He had wanted Jaehyun to leave him alone and that was what he got. He had just never expected it to actually happen.

"Taeyong? Snap out of it." His mom was waving her hand in front of him. They were eating dinner together and she was trying to have a conversation with him. Taeyong turned his attention to her. "I was wondering if that friend of yours would like to visit here someday. I'd really like to meet him again. He's such a sweet boy."

Taeyong rolled his eyes mentally. That guy is far away from sweet. He played with the rice in his bowl and tried to come up with an excuse. "Mom, we're actually not so close."

"You looked close to me at least. So can you bring him here?" She smiled at Taeyong in a way that made him feel guilty. He didn't want to refuse the one thing his mom was asking him. She never asked him anything.

"I'll ask him. But no promises." Taeyong sighed and finished his meal quickly. Should he really ask him? He could just lie and tell that the other didn't want to come there but that would be too rude. And he hated lying. He didn't really want the other to visit their house but he wanted his mom to be happy. It was okay for as long as Jaehyun kept away from his room. He'd never let an outsider like him in his clean and organised room.

 


	7. Home

Taeyong eyed through the school cafeteria, unawarely looking for him. The thing had bothered him the whole weekend. He wasn't sure why he even considered asking Jaehyun about it but there he now was, staring holes in his back.

"I'll be back in a bit." Taeyong stood from his seat next to Ten and went towards the other side of the cafeteria. His friend was so occupied with his phone that he didn't hear what Taeyong said.

As he walked closer to their table he noticed Lucas and Jungwoo spotting him first. They whispered something Taeyong couldn't hear to Jaehyun making him turn around in his seat. Their eyes met and Taeyong felt like running away. He didn't.

"I need to ask you something." Jaehyun was surprised. He had never thought Taeyong would be the first one to talk to him again. He observed the flustered boy and tried to figure out what was going on in his mind. Taeyong looked almost ethereal and Jaehyun couldn't believe how much he had missed just seeing him.

Something hit his leg under the table and he noticed that he had been staring. "Yeah sure. What is it?"

Taeyong looked between him and his friends. Did he want to talk in private? Jaehyun didn't know what he had done to deserve this much attention from him. He only then noticed that most of the people in the room had turned their eyes to them. What was so interesting about it if he talked with Taeyong? He stood up taking the boy's wrist and dragging him out of the room. Maybe he was a bit of a show off that he wanted others to see who Taeyong was with now.

"Let go." Jaehyun let his hand free when they came to a empty corridor. He turned around to see the other male hiding his hands behind his back. "Must you do that all the time?"

"Was that it what you wanted to ask?"

"N-No...just...Do you remember my mom?" Why was he talking about his mother? Jaehyun saw how carefully he was trying to choose his words.

"Of course. I still can't believe your mom has so nice personality while you don't. I guess you took that after your father. Why?"

"Yesterday she asked me if...you know what, forget it." Taeyong suddenly decided not to say anything and half turned to leave. He was mad at himself for even considering it. Then he just had to lie to his mom and he hated that. Lying.

"Tell me."

"It doesn't really matter..."

"It does...Don't turn you back at me." Taeyong stopped what he was doing immediately when he heard the strong tone in his voice. He avoided Jaehyun's gaze and tried to think what to do.

"Well...My mom really liked you and she told me to ask you if you wanted to visit our house sometime. It wasn't my idea, and we're not even friends and I told her that too but she didn't listen and insisted that I'd ask you so..." He blurted out everything in his mind at once and hoped that the other would understand what he was asking.

"So...you're asking me to come to your house...?"

"Yes...NO!! I mean...it was my mom's wish not mine." Jaehyun couldn't help the corners of his lips rising slightly when he looked at the nervous boy.

"Sure, I'll go...don't say that it was only your mom who wanted me to visit you. If you didn't want me there you wouldn't have asked." Taeyong saw the smirk flashing on his lips making him irritated. Had he seriously thought that Jaehyun had changed somehow because of that silent treatment? He was still the same annoying himself. Taeyong was going to say something in defence but he was interrupted. "I'll see you after school."

Jaehyun left without letting him talk even when he clearly knew that Taeyong had wanted to say something. Taeyong hadn't meant that he needed to pay them a visit on the same day. He was regretting everything already and cursed internally.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

After Taeyong's last class, he tried to leave fast so that the other wouldn't find him. That was for nothing: he found Jaehyun from the other side of the door when he was the first one to leave the class. How did he even know where he'd find him? Then he remembered that Lucas and Jungwoo had the same class too.

"Jaehyun, what are you doing here? Your classes ended hours ago." Taeyong heard Lucas' voice behind him. Had Jaehyun waited him that long? Why'd he do that?

"Hi Taeyongie~" Jaehyun ignored his friend's question and greeted Taeyong with a tone that irritated him. Taeyong didn't reply him and just walked past him. He knew that Jaehyun would follow him. Why else would he have waited? He heard him saying goodbyes to his friends. "Bye you two!"

"So...where are we going?" Jaehyun expressed his curiousity as he got beside him.

"Just keep silent." Taeyong sighed and the other fell silent after that. He wasn't that kind of person to chat while walking. Just for Taeyong's luck, their house was not that far away from the school so he didn't have to endure the awkward silence for long. He glanced to his side after a while.

Before Taeyong opened the door, he turned to the taller. Jaehyun was already looking at him with neutral expression. With no smirk. "Just that you know, I'm only doing this for my mom's request. After you leave the house, you have no business here ever again."

"Fine." Taeyong looked at him little longer trying to figure out why the other was so oddly obedient. Shrugging it off he opened the door and called for his mom. They lived in a quite big house for two people. He saw in the corner of his eye how Jaehyun's eyes wandered through the room taking in every little detail. Taeyong thought that he looked like a different person for a moment.

"Taeyong you came just in right time. I made dinner...oh hi Jaehyun." A smile grew on her lips when she spotted who Taeyong had brought with him.

"Good evening ma'am. Great to see you again." She hugged Jaehyun welcoming him and Taeyong couldn't bear watching the scene. Jaehyun was acting not like himself at all. How could he smile like that? Taeyong disappeared in his room for the time being.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Seeing his mom that happy was enough for Taeyong. He didn't care at the moment that it was the annoying Jaehyun that made her so happy. He tried to keep up with their conversation from the other side of the table as they ate. He had managed to change into comfortable clothing before his mom had made it clear that she wanted him to sit with them too. Now he entertained himself with his few stray hairs that fell on his eyes while leaning on the table with his other elbow. He was tired and wanted to go sleep. It was already dark outside and Jaehyun was still there.

"I'm going to convenience store." Taeyong announced and stood up to leave. He needed something else to do or else he'd fall asleep on the table. He never usually went outside this late but he didn't want to be home at the moment either. He heard his mom saying her approval before he slammed the door shut.

It was colder than he had thought. He should've brought a warmer jacket with him but he didn't want to turn back anymore. The store was only a five minute long walk away but his feet and finger tips were freezing already. Above all of that, it was foggy. He thought it would be better if he just turned around after all but then he heard steps from behind. The steps were getting closer faster than he walked so he put up with more speed.

Taeyong reached the store and went inside sighing in relief. He didn't know if someone had really followed him or if he had just imagined it all. He saw no one entering the store after him for as long as he was there.

He exited the store and went outside again. Before he managed to turn around the corner he was suddenly pulled on some alleyway by someone. When he tried to shout for help, that someone already had their hand on his mouth preventing him from being heard.

 


	8. Trouble

Taeyong could tell that it was a random man's hand that tried to keep him silent and he reeked alcohol. He couldn't see a thing in front of him but he very well knew in what kind of situation he was. His attempts to get away from the man's grasp had no effect because the man was much taller and stronger than him. His screams were muffled with the dirty hand and the man was not bothered by the kicks he received.

"If you stay still and quiet I won't hurt you more than necessary, you understand?" By now Taeyong couldn't hear anything the man was saying. He hated that he couldn't do anything to get away. The man's hand on his face was a whole lot of worse than Jaehyun's. It felt so wrong and disgusting in every way possible.

Why did he suddenly thought about Jaehyun? The situation reminded him about the first time he had met him but it had been nothing compared to this. All the other times Jaehyun had touched or been this close to him, he hadn't felt disgusted like this. What did that mean?

Taeyong felt tears in his eyes and he closed them and stopped struggling. He couldn't breathe properly because he didn't want to smell the alcohol that reeked so much. That way he'd faint soon. He didn't think anyone was out at this hour to hear him even if he could shout as loud as he could.

Suddenly he was able to breathe again and he didn't feel the man's presence anymore. He didn't know what happened but when he opened his eyes, he was sure he saw Jaehyun briefly but it was still dark. How was that even possible?

"J-Jaehyun?" Taeyong took a step towards him but then his legs failed him and he fell...almost. He was in Jaehyun's arms.

"Are you okay? Did he hurt you in any way?" When Taeyong heard Jaehyun's voice he broke down and cried against his shoulder. He wrapped his trembling hands around the taller's torso for support. All of his weight was now supported by Jaehyun's strong arms as he couldn't stand on his own.

Jaehyun had never expected to see the day when the blond boy would throw himself like this on him. It was understandable, the situation was what it was. He started making circles with his other hand on Taeyong's back to calm him down and held him tighter in his arms.

"Can you walk?" He asked after while when he didn't hear the cries anymore.

"N-No..." Taeyong breathed out quietly without thinking much.

"Okay then I'll carry you." He suddenly broke free from the hug when he realised what he was doing. He couldn't believe he had actually hugged the other. And this time he was the one to initiate it, not the other way around. Jaehyun's presence had strangely calmed him down, he couldn't deny that.

Taeyong walked quickly past him knowing that the other would follow him. When they came back to the main street, he glanced at the taller their eyes meeting briefly and embarrassment hit him. They walked in silence for a while but then Taeyong broke it. "H-How did you know where I was?"

Jaehyun glanced on his side before saying anything. "Your mom was worried because you never go outside this late and told me to go after you and thank god I went. But I didn't know where you were. I just happened to find you and I never thought I'd find you in that situation. Has that happened to you ever before?"

"I never go to places something like that would happen...but what did you do to make that man go away?" Taeyong felt safe when the other walked beside him. Like nothing had happened just a moment ago. It was weird.

"He ran away when he saw me. I would've hit him if he didn't do that." Taeyong hummed quietly as a response. They reached the house but Taeyong stopped the other from going inside.

"Please don't tell my mom." Taeyong looked in his eyes this time. They weren't judging like he had expected. Only calming.

"I won't."

Taeyong turned away and opened the door. He saw as his mom rushed towards them and then looked between them. "I'm going to take a shower," Taeyong announced and walked past his mom. Before he was out of the hearing distance, he heard that she asked Jaehyun if something had happened. He kept his promise. He didn't tell anything and Taeyong was glad.

 

* * *

 

 

"Why the hell are you still here? And in my room? Out. Now." Taeyong pointed at the open door while the other was just walking around in his room. He had thought that Jaehyun would've left while he was in shower. It was late evening already, actually night. Well, he didn't actually tell him to leave earlier and he didn't tell him not to go in his room either. That area was prohibited from outsiders.

"Your mom said that I should sleep here tonight. She's going to bring here a mattress and sheets." Jaehyun walked in his room like he owned the place and Taeyong couldn't bear watching that. Worse would be him sleeping here.

"Fuck no! You're not sleeping here! You're going home!...Don't touch anything!" He shouted when he saw that Jaehyun was going to pick up his book from the table.

"You have so many books. Do you like reading?" Jaehyun asked trying to change the subject. He didn't want to freak out the boy by touching his things so he took his hand back and turned to look at the blond for answers.

"I don't. I just do it because I have nothing else to do." He bought all the books he read because going in the library was out of the question. Books there were used by everyone.

"So you don't have any other life then. That's boring." Jaehyun had no right to criticize his life. He knew nothing about Taeyong.

He saw that Jaehyun was going to sit on his bed. "No don't sit there!"

Taeyong walked fast, actually ran, to where Jaehyun was before his bed would be ruined. He grabbed his arm and pulled him harshly away from the bed. "Why can't I sit there? A few germs on the bed or book won't kill you."

"I know..."

"Then why the hell are you acting like that?" He saw how hard Taeyong was trying to come up with an explanation by how his eyes were wandering on the floor. What was that guilty look he was wearing? While Taeyong was busy staring at the floor Jaehyun could look at him as much as he wanted. The boy looked so desirable with his still wet hair and loose clothes. "And you're still holding my hand."

Taeyong retreated his hand quickly as if something had burned him. How didn't he even realise it. It felt just so normal and he didn't feel like washing his hand right away like he had thought he would. His mom came in with blankets and pillows and such and laid them on the floor.

"No mom, he is not sleeping here!"

"Well I can't let him go out either in the middle of the night. It's dark and cold there as you know."

"No I meant here, in my room." Taeyong was getting more and more flustered.

"Where else would he sleep? He's your friend. Lend him some clothes to sleep in, will you?" His mom left and closed the door after her. Taeyong just stared at it in frustrate but Jaehyun found it funny.

"Does your mom know about your phobia?" Taeyong had never expected to hear that question from him. He turned to Jaehyun that looked amused somehow.

"She knows nothing."

"Oh wow, good at hiding huh? I'm still gonna sleep here." Jaehyun started making a bed on the floor for himself and Taeyong couldn't watch it. He felt so betrayed by both of them. "You know, I could help you to overcome your fear."

"How?" That was not possible but he still asked that out of curiosity.

"For starters, you could let me sleep in your bed with yo-..." Taeyong threw a pillow from the floor on his face. How could he say something like that as a joke?

"Hell no!" Taeyong shouted and that made Jaehyun laugh. It was the first time the blond saw him laughing like that and he felt weird as he continued looking at him. He had a nice laugh when he laughed whole-heartedly like that.

"I knew you'd say that." Jaehyun said after he had had enough of laughing. "But I wasn't joking though."

Taeyong felt like throwing another pillow at him. He wanted to get out of the room and was going to but as he opened it, it was suddenly slammed back shut startling him. Jaehyun had just been on the other side of the room but now he was standing right behind him and a hand against the door. "Why is that you never freak out when I'm this close to you? To me, it looks like you actually want me to touch you."

Jaehyun turned Taeyong around and pinned him against the door keeping him still by his shoulders. He saw how the boy's cheeks flushed slightly. That was a new view for him. Taeyong clearly knew what situation he was in but made no attempt to get away. He only stared him in the eye.

 


	9. Sleepwalk

"If you keep looking at me like that it makes me want to do things to you." Taeyong swallowed nervously. He couldn't move. Actually, he could if he wanted to but somehow he was curious to know what Jaehyun would do. He wasn't afraid of him. Just nervous and curious like the inexperienced little boy he was.

Jaehyun leaned closer to him. So close that Taeyong shut him eyes because of the close distance and anticipation. He didn't know what he was even expecting.

When he saw Taeyong closing his eyes, his heart was about to burst. He actually expected something and was not going to run away like always. He closed the distance and pressed his lips on the other's like he had wanted to do every time he saw Taeyong. He felt Taeyong tensing immediately but didn't push him away. After few seconds the taller male started moving his lips slowly on the other's and moved his hands down to wrap them around his waist. He brought the smaller boy closer so that their chest were pressed together.

After that, it didn't take long for Taeyong to start responding in the kiss. He didn't think what was right or wrong at the moment. All he could feel was Jaehyun's lips and hands on him and he forgot to think that it was supposed to disgust him. When the taller put more pressure against his lips he gasped and unconsciously moved his head away slightly. Jaehyun bit his lips and hummed making Taeyong relax a little. Everything felt so overwhelming for Taeyong and he lifted his arms on the other's shoulders for support.

Jaehyun could feel how the hands on his shoulders trembled. He decided to continue further to test the limits. He bit and then licked the blond boy's lips to make them opened but he kept them tightly closed. It still was everything Jaehyun had expected to be. So much more pleasuring than the kisses he had had with random girls at bars.

Jaehyun broke the kiss soon and started leaving kisses on the boy's neck. Taeyong trembled more at the change and leaned his head on his shoulder. "No...J-Jaehyun stop...it feels weird..."

Suddenly Jaehyun felt something wet on his shoulder. He stopped what he was doing and pulled Taeyong from his shoulder to look at him. The boy had tears in his eyes, some already falling on his cheeks. He was shaking more than earlier and it wasn't because of pleasure. He was afraid. "What's wrong?"

Jaehyun lifted his hand to wipe away his tears but the smaller broke away from his arms and backed against the door.

"Taeyong what's wrong?" He asked then again more firmly. He lifted his hand again.

"Don't touch me!" What was he saying? Just a minute ago he was so into the kiss. Now he looked like he was afraid of him. Taeyong reached for the door handle with his shaking hand keeping his eyes locked with the taller's. He got the door open and left the room as quickly as possible. Jaehyun knew he should follow him but instead he just stared at the door.

 

* * *

 

 

The same night Jaehyun couldn't fall asleep. He just laid under the covers and looked at Taeyong's bed a few meters away. He couldn't see the blond as he laid on the floor and the other on the bed. He couldn't even hear him moving. Maybe he had fallen asleep that fast.

Taeyong had come back to the room maybe an hour later he had left and Jaehyun pretended to be sleeping. He thought that the other would've gone to sleep elsewhere if he had seen him awake. He tried to think what had actually happened earlier but it was all too confusing. Why did Taeyong let him kiss him if he disliked it that much? But it didn't look like he had hated it in that moment. Maybe he went too far but he didn't regret it. It was still the best kiss he ever had.

His thoughts were cut off when he heard ruffling sound coming from the direction where Taeyong's bed was. He could hardly see anything but he could hear that the other male had gotten up and was now walking around the room. He heard something falling on the floor. It sounded like books falling. What was he doing? Was he trying to find something? Suddenly he felt something dropping on his mattress. That made Jaehyun sat up abruptly and he could somehow see the shape of Taeyong crawling half on his mattress half on the floor. He had most likely tripped over the corner of his mattress and fallen on it.

"Taeyong?" He whispered quietly. He felt something pulling his blanket and he let that be pulled. Taeyong got under the blanket and pulled Jaehyun with him to lie down. Jaehyun was confused about what was happening. What was this sudden change in Taeyong's behaviour?

He felt a hand wrapping around his torso and a cold bare leg being thrown over his under the covers. The boy was freezing. Lastly Taeyong lifted his head on his chest using him as a pillow and breathed in deeply. He felt the smaller boy's heart beating calmly but his own was far from calm.

"Taeyong?" The other didn't react in his voice in any way. Was he already sleeping? Did he even realise where he was sleeping? Maybe he was sleepwalking. That would explain the sound of books falling, him tripping over and all the skin ship Taeyong was willingly initiating.

Jaehyun closed his eyes and tried not to think about the other boy breathing on his neck. He could feel Taeyong's every heart beat, driving him crazy.

He soon fell asleep too.

 


	10. Shoulders

Jaehyun woke up in the morning feeling too warm. He pulled the covers to the side but then he remembered what happened last night. He opened his eyes properly to look around. It was brighter but the curtains were blocking most of the light coming from the windows.

Taeyong was still there. They were on the same position as he remembered before he fell asleep, except he had his hands also wrapped around the small boy. He looked at the sleeping boy who breathed quietly. He didn't want to wake him up but he knew that if the other woke up like this, he'd freak out.

He felt happy somehow. The idea of waking up and seeing Taeyong as the first thing in the morning made his heart flutter. He mentally hit himself and turned the corners of his lips in neutral expression. Why did he feel so happy? There was nothing to be happy about.

Before the other would wake up, Jaehyun decided to make use for this rare situation. He searched his phone from the floor with his free hand and turned it on. He took a few selfies which had him smiling and the sleeping boy's head on his chest. Suddenly, he felt the other boy moving a bit. That was not a good sign. He threw the phone away quickly.

What was he doing here? Why was he in the same bed with Jaehyun? Taeyong opened his eyes and never had he expected to see that kind of view. He suddenly removed his hands from being around Jaehyun and pushed himself as far as he could.

"Why the hell are you here?" He saw that Jaehyun was awake too when their eyes met. He sat up and then realised where he was. Instead of his own bed, he was on the floor where Jaehyun was supposed to sleep.

"I should be the one asking that question. You were the one that came to sleep here, I did nothing." Jaehyun tried make an innocent look but as he sat up too a small grin appeared on his lips. Taeyong just stared at him in confusion. He had no memory of something like that. He could only remember that he fell asleep in his own bed.

"But I don't remember-"

"That I figured. I heard you walking around in the room at night. Did you know that you sleepwalk?" Taeyong shook his head. The other smiled a bit. He couldn't believe he actually did that. How did he get in Jaehyun's arms? He walked there unconsciously? "And if you're wondering, you were the one that got us in that position we just were."

Taeyong felt himself blushing from embarrassment and he looked away. Suddenly, he heard a phone ringing and it wasn't his. He looked again at Jaehyun but the other was now looking at his phone. His expression had turned into serious as he just stared at it without answering. Then he finally answered it.

"Why are you calling me?" His voice was so cold. He was like different person. Taeyong didn't know if he should stay there to listen or not.

"Why should I?...Don't wait for me, I won't be there." He ended the call just as fast as it started. For while he just stared at nothing and thinking but then looked up. Taeyong stood up from the floor as he did so. "It's 9AM."

"What? You're telling this to me now? I should be in class already!" Taeyong started pacing around the room gathering his things for school. He never overslept so he didn't need to use an alarm but he didn't know why had now slept this late. Jaehyun just quietly observed him as he tried to put his hair in place and then opened the closet to find something to wear. Then he turned around to face Jaehyun. "You have school too."

"Nah I'll skip."

"Why?"

"Because I can...I'll pass all the courses anyway." He mumbled that last sentence and Taeyong didn't hear it. He had rushed to the door already. "By the way, why did you cry last night? You now what I mean."

"I didn't!"

"You did. Twice. I understand the first time but the second time...after I kissed you?" Taeyong only glanced at him one time before exiting the room. Jaehyun snorted in disbelief. So rude of him to ignore his question like that.

 

* * *

 

 

Next time Taeyong saw him was on Friday. He had, actually, would have avoided Jaehyun if he had even seen him. That particular person was nowhere to be seen within a whole week. It wasn't like he didn't want to see him. He just didn't know why Jaehyun was in his thoughts all the time and why he unconsciously looked for him too. That scared him.

"Eww look at that. How can they do those kind of things in school?" Ten announced and Taeyong turned to where he was looking. He saw Jaehyun who had some girl sitting on his lap. Taeyong didn't know why he kept looking at the two. It was none of his business anyway. The girl turned her face a bit to their direction and Taeyong noticed that she looked somehow familiar but he couldn't be sure because of the distance. Now Jaehyun had his arms around the girls waist and the scene irritated Taeyong.

He couldn't help but think that those same hands had been around his waist too a few days ago and that thought made him feel disgusted. Those hands, that had probably touched more people he could count with his fingers. Why didn't he realize it sooner? Why did he let Jaehyun so close to him?

He, of course, had always known what Jaehyun was like, a selfish playboy who had played him too. Now he had been thrown away like some piece of trash when Jaehyun had grown tired of him. He had been used and suddenly he didn't feel that good anymore.

"Taeyong are you okay? You're pale as a ghost."

"I'm sorry I'm going home." Taeyong breathed out and stood up to leave but his friend rushed after him in worry. When he got out of the room he crouched down on the floor as he suddenly felt dizzy and Ten was fast beside him.

"Taeyong!"

"I- can't- breathe." His breath hitched with every inhale he tried to make and he had barely got it said. He felt like something invisible was choking him and his chest hurt so much. The pain in his chest was unbearable and he pressed it with his other hand. He knew what these symptoms meant. He had felt the same one time before.

"A-Are you having a panic attack?" Ten was stupid to ask that question in this situation. "What should I do? We should go to the infirmary."

Ten was panicking as well. He had no idea what he should do as he had never seen his friend like this. However, he knew about Taeyong's panic attack like he knew about his phobia. He couldn't just help him up to walk because it meant that he needed to touch him. That was out of the question because he didn't know what had suddenly caused this attack.

"Taeyong?" That was not Ten who said it. Ten looked behind him and saw the person he had least expected to see. Jaehyun quickly ran to them and got on his knees before Taeyong. "What happened?" Jaehyun asken Ten.

"I don't know. He just suddenly was like this. He said that he can't breathe." Ten wasn't sure if the other even listened him. Jaehyun placed his hands on Taeyong's shoulders suddenly. "Don't-"

"Taeyong, look at me." Ten could only watch the scene unbelieving his eyes as Jaehyun got his friend's attention. He saw as Jaehyun took a hold of Taeyong's shaking hands and spoke him with calm voice. How could be that calm in this situation? Why was he even helping Taeyong? The guy, he hated so much. Unlike Jaehyun, he couldn't do anything.

Taeyong was dizzy and he could barely see anything. He wasn't sure who was the one that had their hands on his shoulders and spoke to him with that calming voice. Ten? Who else? J- no way.

 

 


	11. High heels

"Well someone is on a good mood today." Lucas noted as Jaehyun sat on their usual table with a smile on his lips. Nothing good actually happened except he had good time with Taeyong some days ago. He came to school today only because he missed seeing the boy. He looked to the direction on his side and saw Taeyong and his friend sitting on their usual table.

"Yeah. I have to show you guys something." He took his phone from his pocket and turned it on. He thought that Taeyong would probably kill him if he would ever found out about the thing he was about to show to his friends. He scrolled through his camera roll and found the few pictures he took when Taeyong had still been asleep and turned it to Lucas and Jungwoo to see.

"No way! Is that Taeyong? How?"

"Dear don't be so loud! How many times do I have to tell you?" Jungwoo hit Lucas' arm playfully and then turned to look at the photo again. "What did you do to him? Did you drug him?"

"Of course not! Why do you always assume the worst?" Jaehyun defended and took the phone back for himself.

"Then did you...um you-know?"

"Not yet. By the way, Taeyong doesn't know about the photos, so don’t tell him." He glanced at Taeyong again but the other still didn't notice him. He had told him that he didn't like reading but there he was, reading a book, again. "I have it also as my wallpaper, here."

It was unusual to see Jaehyun smiling that much. Jungwoo nor Lucas couldn't believe their eyes. "Are you sure you're not in love? You look like you're head over heels for that boy." Jaehyun's smug expression disappeared.

"Drop it. I don't wanna hear about it again."

"What do you not wanna hear about?" Jaehyun heard someone disturbing their conversation. It wasn't just someone, he knew that voice all too well. He made a motionless expression and turned to look at her.

"What do you want Ji-Eun?" She was still as beautiful as he remembered with her long dark brown hair and the red high heels she loved so much. He had last seen her when they went shopping a few weeks ago but it didn't go that well. It ended in disagreement about where they should go to eat. Despite all of their arguments, he loved her very much. She was his lovely little sister after all.

"Can't I come to see my brother once in a while? We go to same college but still never see each other anymore."

"Hey Ji-Eun, long time no see. How have you been?" Lucas and Jungwoo greeted her too. When they had been little Lucas, Jungwoo, Jaehyun and his sister had been very close friends. As they grew up, Ji-Eun started hanging more with the girls of her own age.

"Hi Lucas and Jungwoo."

"Did father send you?" Jaehyun motioned her to sit on the chair next to him. He hated that she drew attention so much. Ji-Eun knew that her brother was uncomfortable with that and instead of sitting on the chair, she sat on his lap.

"No but when are you coming back home? I miss you." Jaehyun hugged her arms around her waist. He wanted to show everyone who was watching that they'd be warned. His sister was too precious for him and he hated to see her hurting.

"I know me too but you know why I can't go back there. They hate me. How dared he call me a few days ago asking me to join them to some dinner. Do you know anything about that?" Ji-Eun got off his lap and sat on the chair beside him turning it so that they were face to face.

"They don't hate you. Mum and dad both as well as me really miss you. I think you should have a talk with them and come to the dinner. I'll be there too." Jaehyun was silent for a while just thinking and looking around. He looked again towards Taeyong's table but he was not there anymore. He noticed the boy rushing out of the room and his friend trying to manage with books and notebooks while going after him. Did something happen?

"I'm sorry I need to go. I'll think about it. See you soon." He ruffled her hair like he always did and gave her an assuring smile before rushing after the two leaving his sister fixing her hair.

"Don't ask. He sometimes does that." Lucas answered to her confused look she was giving the two. She stood up to go after his brother but her intentions were interrupted. "I don't think you should follow him."

She sat down again and looked between the two. "Why did he-..."

"Don't worry. He just has someone he really likes, even if he still doesn't admit it, and I think he just went after him," Jungwoo explained. "It wasn't because you."

"Oh that's nice I guess. Good that he's happy with someone."

 

* * *

 

 

Where did they go? Jaehyun looked around the nearly empty hallway but there was no sign of the two. He didn't even know why he had followed them in the first place but something had seemed a bit off when he last saw Taeyong. He turned around the corner to the next empty corridor to find the two crouching on the floor. Taeyong's friend was seemingly asking him something and looking around. The other boy's back was facing Jaehyun so he couldn't see what he was up to.

"Taeyong?"

The said male's friend turned to him then but Taeyong remained still. Just then he noticed the shocked expression on his face and ran to them knowing that something most likely was not okay.

As he crouched in front of Taeyong he immediately knew what was wrong. Taeyong's hands were shaking as he pressed his chest trying to ease the pain. He was staring in nothing and didn't even flinch at Jaehyun's presence. "What happened?"

"I-I don't know. He just suddenly was like this. He said that he can't breathe." Jaehyun could only have his attention towards the shaking boy. He had no idea what he should do in the situation so he decided to try at least something. He placed his hands on Taeyong's shoulders knowing that the act would either calm him or make the situation worse. "Don't-"

"Taeyong, look at me." He tried to speak calmly. He shouldn't panic like Taeyong's friend beside him. The blond lifted his empty gaze on him. "Can you see me?"

The other didn't answer. He took Taeyong's hand in his away from pressing his chest. Taeyong didn't do anything to stop him. "I'll take him to the infirmary."

"How-" Jaehyun was totally ignoring the other.

"Taeyong can you stand?" He didn't get an answer this time either. He placed his other hand around Taeyong's waist and the other one under his knees and lifted him up bridal style. The blond's head leaned on Jaehyun's shoulder and then his whole body went limp in his arms. He probably fainted but now breathed normally at least.

As they got to the infirmary, Ten following the two, he placed the blond carefully on the bed at the doctor's request. Jaehyun turned to the doctor. "Will he be okay?"

"He will. I suggest that one of you would stay here to tell him what happened when he wakes up."

"I'll stay." Ten said firmly before Jaehyun had chance to voice his opinion. He turned again to look at the sleeping boy and pulled covers over his limp body. He heard the doctor walking away as he sat on the chair close to the bed. Ten followed his actions in confusion.

"Yeah I'll leave soon," Jaehyun said without even looking up at the other as he traced his fingers on Taeyong's slightly sweaty temple. He then brushed the boy's hair to the side from covering his eyes, and let his fingers linger there for a moment like he was the most precious thing in the world.

Ten didn't know why he let the other to touch his friend like that. He thought that Taeyong wouldn't really appreciate it if he found out that he had let Jaehyun do that. There was something in Jaehyun's eyes that stopped Ten from slapping his hand away from his friend. His eyes were only caring and that was not a bad thing, right?

 


	12. Fresh and clean

When his friend finally opened his eyes a little, Ten was already shaking internally. He was so sure that Taeyong would murder him when he'd find out about what actually happened. He followed the boy's movements as he sat up on the bed and looked around. "How are you feeling?"

Taeyong turned to look at him but he seemed to be deep in thoughts. "Umm..."

"What do you remember?" Taeyong ruffled his hair which was a mess and tried to regain his memories.

"Thank you. For not leaving me alone and what ever you did to take me here. I'm fine now, I'll go home." He knew that Ten had helped him and he was grateful to have such a good friend. He also knew that he had touched his shoulders but it was fine. It was just his friend after all even if the act didn't really help. He had no idea when he had lost consciousness but at least he woke up safely in bed. He started to get up from the bed but Ten just stared him.

He doesn't remember? Ten was pondering what to say as he stared at his friend with wide eyes. "Actually-"

Taeyong turned to him again as he stood up. Ten couldn't look him in the eye anymore. "Hm?"

"I-It wasn't me. I-I'm sorry, I couldn't do anything and I didn't stop him from touching you like that. I know I shouldn't have let that happen. Please forgive me." Taeyong's face went pale as he listened to what his friend was revealing. Someone else had touched him? More than just shoulders? Who?

"W-Who?" He barely got anything said and Ten lifted his guilty look on him.

"Do you really want to know?" No way. Taeyong could already guess who his friend was referring to. Still, he couldn't believe it. He nodded slowly. "Jaeh-"

Taeyong stormed out of the room not turning back even when the other called his name many times. He knew where he was going and he needed to tell the person to stay away from him as he was just so sick of his game. He was heading to the dorms.

He reached the room he was looking for and didn't hesitate to push the door forcefully open. Jaehyun was there laying on his bed and playing with his phone. "You piece of shit!"

The particular person lifted his gaze up to see who was yelling. "Oh Taeyongie, what brings you here? How are you feeling?"

"You know fucking well how I am feeling! Why the hell can't you stay out of my life? Why can't you see how much I dislike it when you disturb my personal space and sexually harass me?" By now Jaehyun had gotten up from the bed and walked a bit closer to the other. Taeyong stood there unwavering and send him a death glare.

"It doesn't actually look like that to me. Just how dense can you be? If you really hated it I would've left you alone long time ago."

"W-What?" Taeyong's eyes fluttered in confusion.

"Let me show you." Jaehyun suddenly grabbed his wrist before he could comprehend what was happening. He was forcefully thrown on the bed letting out a whine as a protest and Jaehyun climbed on top of him straddling him with his strong thighs. As the boy looked up he noticed how close Jaehyun was to his face. The male above him looked him with a dark expression.

"No what are you-" Taeyong's words were cut off by his own gasp when he felt other's lips pressing on his neck. He tried to push him away but Jaehyun was quick to notice this and pinned his hands against the bed. The light kisses soon turned into sucking and he didn't care if he accidentally left marks on the soft skin.

At first Taeyong had struggled in his grasp but he gradually relaxed. He gasped for air whenever he felt Jaehyun's tongue working on him and his eyes fluttered close. Taeyong could never admit it but he actually liked the feeling of having Jaehyun's lips and hands roaming all over his body. He had no idea why and he hated things that made him feel complicated things. It was supposed to feel disgusting. He felt Jaehyun letting go of his hands and detaching his lips from his neck pulling up to look at the boy under him. Taeyong was looking back at him with half lidded eyes and his face was flushed red.

Jaehyun leaned to kiss him gently on the lips while lifting his shirt up and caressing the tender skin under it. Taeyong didn't protest anymore against him and the other wondered how far he could take this make out session. Everything about the smaller boy smelled fresh and clean, his clothes, hair and skin, Jaehyun loved it.

"Uhmm I thought we agreed that we'd do these things anywhere else than here." Jaehyun broke the kiss when the sudden voice took him back to reality. He jumped off the blond and turned to the voice.

"Sorry Mark, we were just-" Taeyong sat up on the bed not really realizing what was happening. Someone he didn't know had seen something which was not meant for him to see. He glanced at Jaehyun and their eyes met briefly before he ran out of the room.

"Holy shit Jaehyun. Was that Taeyong?" Mark, Jaehyun's roommate, said as the blushed boy rushed past him.

"Umm...yeah? Who else?" Mark hadn't even known that his roommate was gay, not to mention, fucking Lee Taeyong, or at least that was how it looked like to him. "That won't happen again if that's what you're worried about."

"No no, not that just- how did you- Lee Taeyong? Are you together or something?" Jaehyun blushed a little and he felt awkward as they had been caught. He hadn't meant to attack Taeyong like that but he just hated how dense the boy was. Now he was worried how Taeyong might feel at the moment and wondered if he should go after the boy. He didn't.

"I don't know what we are. I'm trying to turn him gay, I guess..." Jaehyun sat on the bed feeling awkward just standing there.

"So you're...um-"

"Yeah, why? It's not a swearword so you can just use it, you know, and no, I don't like him like that so don't even ask." What was Taeyong to him? Why did he even like to tease the boy so much? Everything about him was just so perfect in his mind.

 

* * *

 

 

On Monday Taeyong came to school early. He could barely get any sleep the whole weekend because his mind was filled with thoughts of Jaehyun. The thing that had bothered him the most was that Jaehyun somehow knew that he liked touching. It was all too confusing.

Taeyong walked through the empty hallways and arrived in front of the door he had last time opened before summer. As he pushed it open he came to a huge room that had mirrors covering two of the walls. It was a dance studio.

The boy walked in the middle of the room and sat down. This place had a calming effect on him whenever he felt anxious. He still wanted to dance but he could never. That was how he had decided.

He started stretching out of curiosity and he noticed that he was not as flexible as he used to be. Suddenly, he heard the door open and someone walking in. He didn't lift his gaze.

"You're here early too." Taeyong's eyes widened when he heard the voice. He'd recognize that voice anywhere even when he hadn't heard it in years. There was just no way he heard right. He wanted to escape but there was only a one door and the woman was standing by it.

As he stood up and raised his head he heard the woman gasp when their eyes met through the mirror.

"Taeyong?"

 


	13. Broken

_ Flashback _

  
_"I'm not sure if I can do it," he said hesitantly._

_"I know you can. You're one of my best dancers and I want you two to take this challenge. You have lifted Ji-Eun many times before. You'll definitely win the competition if you manage to do it on the stage." Ji-Eun grabbed his hand to encourage him while their teacher was trying to convince Taeyong. She was sure they could do the trick if her dance partner wouldn't be so doubtful. They had danced together over two years and knew each other well so she trusted him._

_"Of course I have lifted her many times but with both hands. It's a bit different, you see. I don't want to risk anything. The competitions start in few days." Ji-Eun rolled his eyes and sighed before turning to him._

_"Taeyong I'm sure we can do it. What could even go wrong?"_

_"Everything could go wrong! I'm not sure about myself and I don't want to cause you any injuries." Taeyong looked at her in worry. He was just so caring and Ji-Eun admired that trait about him but sometimes it was too much._

_"I trust you. Let's try to do that one time and if you drop me we're not doing it, okay?" For a few seconds Taeyong hesitated to answer but Ji-Eun's unwavering eyes encouraged him._

_"Okay."_

_They managed to do the lift many times perfectly and Taeyong gave up the idea of not doing it in the competition. Their dance teacher was very pleased to see how well they could work together. If they'd win the competition both of them would get a scholarship to the famous dance academy. That was Taeyong's dream. He wanted to do nothing else more than study there._

_ The day of the competition _

_"My family is here to see us. What about you?" Ji-Eun asked before they'd go to the stage. They were holding each other's hands like always before an important performance._

_"My mom and best friend will be here, I guess." Taeyong said and turned to her. "Everything will go fine, right?"_

_Taeyong was still unsure but he couldn't help it. It was just his personality. He still wanted to win and that's why he had courage to risk it. To do something above his abilities. Ji-Eun squeezed his hand assuringly. "I'm sure."_

_"Good luck you both!" They turned to their teacher who had appeared behind them. "You'll do well."_

_It was now their turn and they walked in the middle of the stage with applauses. The music started and they started dancing. Taeyong loved being on the stage more than anything. He loved hearing compliments and cheering and above all of that, he loved being in the spotlight._

_Everything had went perfectly until the second half of the performance. He now lifted his dance partner up and then removed one hand just like they had practiced. Suddenly, he felt his hand crushing from the pressure. His hand was slightly in a wrong posture and when he tried to fix it, he caused Ji-Eun losing her balance and fall._

_All of it happened so fast that Taeyong couldn't even realize the mistake he had done. He heard the audience gasping and someone running on the stage. As he looked to his side he saw the girl crying from pain and holding her leg. At the same time Taeyong's legs failed him and he sat on the stage. He still couldn't believe what had happened. He had caused Ji-Eun injured._

_Taeyong was shaking._

_He saw everything as she was taken to the ambulance with bars and he could hear her cries. She could probably never dance again because of his mistake. He looked down at his hands that were badly shaking. No one was paying attention to him and even if he suddenly now fainted, no one would want to help him. He was a bad person._

_Everyone gradually left the room as the competition was postponed to another date and Taeyong was now left alone. He looked at the empty rows of seats and the scenes of full cheering audience flashed in his mind. He started crying and hugged his knees closed to him burying his face in them. He wanted to disappear._

_He didn't hear that someone had walked behind him. "Taeyong."_

_The said boy didn't react so they placed their hand on his shoulder. Taeyong was suddenly brought back to reality and he backed away from the touch and turned his head to the voice. It was his dance teacher and he looked guilty but Taeyong didn't care. "Go away! Don't touch me!"_

_That was the first time Taeyong had said that. "I don't want to hurt you too," he whispered with a broken voice. He was afraid that whatever he touched would break. He was afraid of himself._

_After the incident he never saw Ji-Eun again and never danced again._

  
_ Flashback ends _

 

 

"J-Ji-Eun?" Taeyong breathed eyes wide. The girl looked much more grown up now and her hair was much longer than he had last time seen her.

"You're really Taeyong...oh my god." The said boy turned slowly around. Both of them were thinking what to say. The silence was so awkward. Taeyong was wondering what she was even doing here. It was school's dance studio after all.

"Do you still dance?" Ji-Eun suddenly blurted out causing the other's eyes widen.

"No," he answered bluntly.

"You don't?! Why?"

"Sorry I have to go. Classes start soon." What a terrible liar he was. There was nearly an hour before classes would start. He just didn't want to talk about their past with Ji-Eun so running away sounded good. He thought that he didn't deserve to see the girl ever again or even be in the same room as her. He started rushing towards the door walking past her but he was stopped by a hand on his arm.

"Taeyong, could we-"

"No."

Taeyong quickly yanked his hand free from the grasp and gave her a cold look. He could see the shock in Ji-Eun's eyes when he did that but that didn't stop him from leaving the room as fast as possible.

 

 


	14. Back hugs

"We didn't finish our conversation the last time so I was wondering, could we meet now?" Jaehyun was on the phone with his sister.

" _I'm going to the dance studio. Gonna practice before classes start. Come there." Jieun replied hurriedly._

"Okay see you there, bye."

" _Bye_ ," He ended the call and left the dorms. He had never been at the dance studio but he knew Ji-Eun spent a lot of time there. He arrived there quickly and saw that the door was partly open. Before he reached the door handle he glanced briefly in the room and his intentions were stopped. Taeyong was also in the studio with his sister. Did they know each other? Did Taeyong dance?

He noticed the shocked expression on his sister's face when Taeyong yanked his hand free from her grasp. Why had he done that? Was something going on between them? Taeyong continued walking towards the door and Jaehyun hid behind it. He didn't even know why he did that.

When the other had walked out of the room, he turned to look at Ji-Eun from the crack of the door. Why was he wearing that pained expression? He hated seeing that look on her. Last time he had seen her that miserable when she had broken her leg and couldn't dance for months.

He should go there and comfort her but why couldn't he move? He looked in the direction where Taeyong had disappeared. He decided to go after him and ask him how the two knew each other.

He went to the restroom as it was the most obvious place he could find the boy. He was right. He found him washing his hands and he also was wearing a pained expression like his sister. Looking like he needed comforting too. Something was most likely going on between the two and Jaehyun didn't like it at all.

Taeyong didn't even notice him when he walked closer to him. He was now drying his hands with a paper towel while staring in nothing, probably deep in thoughts.

"Got ya!" Jaehyun wrapped his arms around the boy startling him and brought his back closer to his chest. The poor boy was caught off guard with the sudden back hug and jolted in surprise. "Sorry, it's just me."

Taeyong looked at him through the mirror while the taller buried his nose in the crook of his neck and lifted his gaze so that their eyes met. He smelled the boy's shampoo and then he noticed the faint kiss marks on his neck. The boy hadn't even bothered covering them or did he even notice them? Not that Jaehyun was complaining.

"You okay?" he asked in worry. Taeyong wasn't trying to show him away like usually which confused the other. Jaehyun brought his other hand down on the other's hips and sneaked it under his shirt. He heard Taeyong gasping but stood still as he caressed the soft skin of his waist. His body was thin but healthy kind of thin, like dancer's.

"We were interfered last time," Jaehyun breathed close to his ear looking at the other's expression through the mirror. The boy's eyes were closed and eyebrows knitted in sensation. He also noticed the faint blush on his cheeks. Jaehyun liked the view.

"You were right," Taeyong admitted looking downwards and sighing.

"About what?"

"I do like it when you touch me but I don't know why." He had no idea where he suddenly got the courage to suddenly say a such thing. Maybe it was Jaehyun's comforting and warm hug, which he didn't even know he had needed at the moment, that caused him to turn around in Jaehyun's arms. Taeyong faced the taller and to Jaehyun surprise, kissed him clumsily on the lips. Jaehyun responded immediately closing his eyes despite his mind telling him not to. He had followed Taeyong to find anything about his sister and him but it was the first time the other had initiated something while awake so he didn't want to ruin that moment.

Jaehyun pushed him against the sink his both hands under the smaller boy's shirt holding his tiny waist. When he moved his fingers on the skin he felt the blond shuddering at the new feeling. Taeyong's hands crept on his shoulder unsure where else to keep them.

He felt Jaehyun licking his lips like he had done the first time but he had no clue why he'd do that. It felt just too foreign for him. "Fuck Taeyong, can't you just open your lips a little? I wanna try something more."

What did he mean? Something more? Blushed Taeyong looked at him in confuse. "Why?"

"Just do it." Jaehyun connected their lips again but the kiss was soon cut off.

"OH MY GOD!!" Taeyong pushed the other male away from him. He knew that voice. He'd recognize that shocked tone anywhere.

"Ten-"

"Oh my god Taeyong-, YOU?!" Ten looked between the two in pure shock. Taeyong knew how much his friend hated seeing people making out in school and especially if it was two guys. He always commented to him whenever he saw something that irritated him. Seeing his best friend like that might have been a bit of a shock for him. That kind of a friend who was supposed to hate any kind of skinship. "What's going on between you?"

"Nothing actually," Taeyong mumbled while staring at the floor.

"Nothing? That didn't look like nothing! Did you get over you fear or what?" Taeyong glanced at Jaehyun briefly who was standing few steps away. He had thought that Jaehyun would probably think the situation was hilarious but he seemed just mad. Mad that they were disturbed again?

"Of course not!" Ten started walking closer to him when he had said that. He lifted his hand in front of Taeyong like do you when you want to shake hands with someone. The boy just moved his eyes from Ten's hand to his eyes in confuse.

"I wanna see. Take it," Ten kept his hand still waiting for him. He had just made out with Jaehyun but why couldn't he reach his hand out and shake hands with his friend? It wasn't that much asked.

"No," he looked from his friend to Jaehyun. Why was he looking as shocked as Ten?

"Oh this is embarrassing," Ten said and dropped his hand.

"I'm sorry Ten," Jaehyun walked beside him and wrapped his arm around the shorter's waist. Taeyong was too ashamed to look in his friend's eyes.

"You're letting that guy touch you like that? What the hell Taeyong?" The blond brushed Jaehyun's hand off his waist as if he had just realized it was there. He heard his friend sighing irritably. "Let's just talk later."

Ten left the restroom before the other could come up with an explanation. Was he mad? He himself didn't even know why he let Jaehyun so close to him. It wasn't like he was gay or anything.

 


	15. Umbrellas

On a lunch break Ten and Taeyong went to eat together as usual. Ten hadn't said a word to him since the occurring in the morning. Was he really that mad? Why?

Taeyong kicked his friend's leg under the table to get his attention. "Ouch why did you do that?"

"Are you mad?"

"Are you gay?"

"What?!" Taeyong had not expected to hear that straight forward question. He glanced around the room to make sure that no one was paying attention to them. Fortunately, no one was looking.

"Are you or are you not?" Ten repeated the question with a dull expression.

"I'm not!"

"You sure?" Ten raised his eyebrow.

"I don't like him!!" Taeyong was fuming with anger. He really didn't have any feelings for Jaehyun so he concluded that he wasn't gay like the other probably was even if they were sometimes kissing and touching each other. Jaehyun just felt so safe to be with. Maybe that was because he had actually saved him from being molested on that one night.

"So...you haven't gotten over your fear but you let only that guy touch you and you say that you're not gay and you don't like him. Then you must be fuck buddies."

"Hell no!" Taeyong snapped and blushed more.

"So...you haven't-"

"Of course not!"

"What are you discussing about?" Jaehyun disturbed in their conversation and sat on the chair beside the blond. Taeyong turned to him abruptly afraid that he had heard what they had been talking about. The other just smirked and put his hand on the back of the chair Taeyong was sitting. The blond shifted in the other corner of his chair.

"So you're Ten, right?" Jaehyun turned away from the blond. Ten stared back at him.

"So?"

"Nothing. Just got to know your name," Jaehyun lifted his hand to stroke the blond's back hair and turned to him. The hair was longer from the back than he remembered. "Are you growing a mullet or did your hairdresser just forget to cut it?"

Taeyong brushed his hand off and glared him briefly mumbling him a reply, "I don't need to ask your permission."

"I know, I just wanted to say that it looks cute."

"For god's sake! Can you do the flirting somewhere else than in front of me?" Ten lost his patience and stood up to leave. Taeyong looked at him with apologetic eyes and then he left.

"Wanna hang out tomorrow?" Jaehyun asked leaning closer to the other.

"Why?" Jaehyun placed his hand on the blond's thigh. Taeyong just stared at him with innocent look in his eyes.

"You know what I mean-"

"No," Taeyong stood up to leave but the other pulled him back to sit. "What now?"

"My roommate is visiting his family tomorrow evening, he won't be back until late night," Jaehyun hinted gazing him intensely but the other's frown didn't fade.

"Still no. I don't trust you," Taeyong replied with a motionless face while the other was smirking at him.

"Then what do I have to do to make you trust me?"

"I don't know, maybe, stop being such an ass!" Jaehyun was left wordless after the blond sprinted out of the room. That was not what he had ever expected to hear from him. What did he even do to make him so annoyed?

 

* * *

 

 

It wasn't raining when he left home the next morning but suddenly it started pouring in the middle so Taeyong was now running. He hid his head under the hood of his jacket so he wouldn't get too wet. He stopped when he reached the underpass and tried to wipe himself dry as much as he could. He hated it when his clothes would get wet.

What should he do now? He didn't want to go in the rain again to get more wet. Should he just wait? Taeyong looked around and noticed that he wasn't the only one standing there. His eyes widened when their eyes locked.

The person walked to him from the other side of the road. Taeyong couldn't move.

"What are you doing here?" Taeyong asked when she stopped in front of him.

"The same as you. I think we go to same school, am I right?" Ji-Eun's face was in a frown as he waited the other to answer. Taeyong saw that her clothes were a bit wet and she didn't have an umbrella with her either. She noticed how the blond nervously averted his eyes on anywhere else but her.

"Yeah..."

"You know, I was waiting for you to come to see in the hospital then. You never came. Why?"

"I don't wanna talk about it," Taeyong answered maybe too harshly glancing her briefly and Ji-Eun was a bit taken aback. He had never talked to her like that before. She remember him as a warm and bubbly person who always did his best to make sure no one around him felt uncomfortable. Now he was the one making the situation awkward.

"You've changed," she breathed out and Taeyong finally looked at her properly. Why was she wearing that pained expression? Everything should be perfect in her life now that Taeyong was staying away from her. Staying away would be impossible if the girl willingly tried to start to a conversation with him from time to time and also they went to same school.

"Oh I knew I'd find you here," Taeyong turned to the voice to see Ten walking towards them. "I brought you an umbrella. I thought you might need it."

"Thanks Ten," Taeyong quickly grabbed the spare umbrella his friend was pointing at him. He wanted to get away from the situation as fast as possible.

"Ten?" Before Taeyong managed opening the umbrella his actions were stopped. He had forgotten that Ji-Eun also knew his friend. He turned around to see the two staring at each other in surprise.

"Ji-Eun? What are you doing here?"

"You two still go to same school?" Ji-Eun asked pointing between the two friends. Ten turned his gaze on him with eyes asking for an explanation. Taeyong didn't want to explain anything.

"Of course, we're best friends," Ten blurted out.

"I know, we all go to same school then." A small smile crept on Ji-Eun's lips. Taeyong opened his umbrella and turned away to leave.

"Taeyong wait!" The said male sighed and turned around again. "Could we meet someday over a coffee or something? I want to talk with you."

Taeyong didn't want to be rude and just say no but he didn't want to talk to her either. At least not about their past. "I don't know..."

"Please?"

"I know what you want to talk about so it's a no." Taeyong ignored the pleading look she was giving him and then finally continued making his way to school. He didn't even bother waiting for his friend to tag along.

 

 


	16. Soaked

Taeyong left his jacket and the umbrella in his locker and started making his way to his first class. He didn't get far because something had caught his attention.

What is he doing? Why is he being all touchy with that guy? Jaehyun was hugging someone else that was not him. He hated it. After a few seconds he noticed the someone was just one of his friends. He tried to ignore the awful feeling he was having.

Jaehyun hugged his other friend too. Now he felt even more worse. Without thinking he walked quickly to them and grasped Jaehyun's shirt to pull him harshly away from the one he was hugging. When he realized what he had done it was already too late.

"Ouch what the hell Jungwoo?" Jaehyun turned around and the blond's breath hitched. He had not been prepared facing angry Jaehyun. Instead, he noticed how the other's face softened when their eyes met. "Taeyong."

"Yeah, sorry," Taeyong turned to leave. He was too embarrassed of his own actions to say anything else.

Jaehyun followed the blond as he was confused seeing him acting like that. "Taeyong-"

The said boy turned around. His face was red from embarrassment. "Go away! I don't know why I did that. I said I'm sorry."

They were too busy in their own world to realize how much attention they had drawn. Taeyong didn't care about the judging looks but the other was enjoying the attention.

"I think I know why you did that," Jaehyun said knowingly and the other turned away quickly to hide his blushing face. Suddenly, he felt something grabbing his wrist and pulling him to walk. Jaehyun dragged him through the crowd to the door and that was when Taeyong started to panic. He was taking him outside.

"Let me go!" Taeyong tried releasing his hand but the fingers around his wrist were grasping it too tightly. They went outside and it was still pouring. "Jaehyun stop! I hate rain!"

That made the taller to turn around finally but his wrist was still held tightly. They were in the middle of the school backyard and there was hardly no one because classes had just started. Taeyong was already quivering from the cold.

"Does it make you uncomfortable when you see me touching anyone else?"

"Stop asking questions! Let me go inside!" Jaehyun's grip wouldn't loosen even a bit. His wet clothes were starting to stick against his skin and water drip from his hair to his face. The rain made him feel so disgusted. He hated the situation more than anything else.

"Answer the question first. Does it or does it not?"

"Of course it does!" Taeyong had been too caught up with the rain that he had blurted out something like that without thinking. His whole face went pale after realizing it. How was it even possible to feel embarrassed so many times right in the morning? He managed to notice the amused expression on the other's face before he was pulled forward again.

They arrived in front of the door of Jaehyun's room and Taeyong had guessed right about where the other had started dragging him. They had headed towards the dorms after all. Jaehyun unlocked the door with one hand while the other one was still making sure the blond couldn't escape.

Jaehyun pulled him in the dim room not bothering to switch on the lights and closed the door after. He finally let go of the blond's wrist but only to be able to push him against the closed door. He leaned close to the blond making sure not to break the eye contact. "Don't worry, if it makes you feel more comfortable I'll never touch anyone else but you from now on. Just _you_."

Jaehyun closed the distance and connected their lips in a soft kiss. The blond was already so impressed by the other's assuring words so all he could do was just closing his eyes and kiss him back. The disgusting feeling of wet clothes was long forgotten. Jaehyun's hands were pulling his nearly soaked shirt up and whenever his warm finger's touched the cold skin under the shirt, it sent shivers down his spine.

"Wait," Taeyong broke the kiss already feeling breathless. "Your...your roommate-"

"Will not be here until late at night." Jaehyun took his hand fondly in his and laced their fingers together like he had done one time before. His touch was affectionate unlike earlier. Taeyong let himself be pulled as the taller took them in the middle of the room and kissed him again.

Jaehyun licked his lips a few times waiting for the other to relax. His hand kept the blond close to him as possible and he noticed how Taeyong had finally dared to put his arms around nape instead of keeping then awkwardly on his shoulders. He bit the smaller's lower lip making them slightly parted and pushed his tongue past the other's lips.

Taeyong froze for a second to comprehend everything that was happening. When he felt Jaehyun swirling his tongue in his cavern he trembled at the new feeling and tangled his fingers more messily in the younger's hair in the back. Jaehyun savored every corner of his mouth slowly and Taeyong tried to respond the best he could. His legs went weak but Jaehyun's strong arms around his waist kept him up.

Jaehyun sat on the bed and pulled the smaller to sit on his lap so that his legs were either side of his thighs. He pulled away from the messy kiss and eyed the flushed boy sitting in his lap gazing back at him with half lidded eyes.

"I'll take good care of you," Jaehyun whispered before reaching his hands lower to grab the hem of the blond's shirt. He lifted the soaked shirt off of Taeyong and attached his lips on his neck. The boy in his lap moaned at the sensation and gripped Jaehyun's hair more. He felt how Jaehyun's hands moved tenderly on his skin but then went lower and grabbed his ass. Taeyong squirmed in the younger's lap but as he did so, he noticed something poking him and then his own problem too.

"J-Jaehyun-" The said male lifted his lustful eyes on him and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

"It's okay, I know," Jaehyun changed their position and the blond was now under him.

"Gosh, you're so insanely beautiful," Jaehyun blurted out making the other blush deeper red and hide his face in his hands. He took off his wet shirt too and leaned down to kiss Taeyong again. Their lips moved messily on each other while Jaehyun started groping his crotch through his jeans making the blond moan in the kiss.

He started kissing gently down Taeyong's neck to his torso and the blond's eyes fluttered shut, letting out whimpers from time to time. Everything he was feeling was so overwhelming and new to him but he enjoyed it. His eyes shot open when he felt the zipper of his jeans being pulled.

"Jaehyun- ah..." The blond gasped when Jaehyun bit his tender skin close to his waistband. "W-wait...w-what are you gonna do?"

Jaehyun stopped at what he was doing and lifted his eyes to meet with his.

"Suck you off?" He answered as if it was nothing.

"It's dirty," Jaehyun brought himself up to be able to look at him properly. He kissed him lightly on the cheek surprising Taeyong with the affectionate act. For a brief moment, Taeyong was almost sure that he saw the younger looking at him with loving eyes. He ignored it fast.

"I'm the one doing it, not you. You can just enjoy, okay?" Jaehyun kissed him on the lips this time. At the same time the opened the zipper and pulled the jeans off. Taeyong's hands were in his hair pulling him closer. As they were busy kissing, Taeyong hardly even noticed that his jeans were gone. Only when Jaehyun started stroking him through his boxers he came into a realization how real everything actually was. Jaehyun broke their kiss to begin what he had meant to do.

He removed the boxers too and now the boy under him was fully naked. Taeyong didn't have time to feel embarrassed when the younger suddenly started stroking his hard on with his hand. Jaehyun gave the boy an assuring look before leaning closer and taking him in his mouth. He had never actually given a head before but he knew how it should be done. The blond gripped the sheets tighter, moaning in pleasure as he licked his length from top to bottom. He then wrapped his lips around it and slowly sank down as far as he could.

He started moving his head up and down and licking it carefully with tongue. He felt the tip hitting the back of his throat and then Taeyong's hand flew to his hair. Every sound the blond let out reminded him of his own erection that twitched in his already too tight jeans. He had to keep the blond's hips in place with both of his hands as he tried to buckle them up once in a while.

"Ah...J-Jaehyun- I'm-" Jaehyun felt that the other was close so he tried to go deeper down and pick up the pace and glanced up at the blond. He could see that his eyes were closed in bliss and lips parted.

Taeyong came in his mouth with a loud cry and he tried to swallow as much as he could. He didn't want the blond to feel dirty with the excess cum.

"Taeyong?" He whispered and moved up beside the exhausted boy. The other was trying to catch up his breath and looked at Jaehyun with lustful eyes. He could see tears in the corners of his eyes but as he leaned closer to wipe them off and kiss him, the boy turned his head to the opposite direction.

 


	17. Lips

"That's dirty," Jaehyun sighed at the blond's words and pulled the covers over the other. He climbed off the bed to go take a shower and get rid of his own problem too but he was stopped by  a hand around his wrist. As he turned around, he was met by pair of beautiful eyes shimmery with tears staring back at him. "W-Where are you going?"

The boy sounded like he would break down crying at any moment. Jaehyun knelt beside the bed and caressed the blond boy's hair softly. "I'll be back soon, you can just rest there."

Taeyong didn't want to be alone but he could never admit that out loud. He liked the feeling he got when Jaehyun caressed his hair and looked at him so affectionately. He sucked up the tears and did what he had least wanted to do. He sat up on the bed and brushed the hand away from his hair. He picked up his jeans from the floor. Those were still wet after the rain. "Umm-"

"I'll hang those to dry." Jaehyun grabbed the jeans from his hands and picked up the other clothes from the floor too. He then opened a closet and searched something from there. The blond found out what it was when Jaehyun threw a shirt to him before disappearing in the bathroom.

The white t-shirt smelled and looked like it had never been used before. He decided to wear it and it turned out to be a few sizes too big for him. Jaehyun must've accidentally bought a too large shirt because he was not that much bigger than Taeyong himself.

Taeyong laid down under the covers when he heard the shower being turned on. The bed smelled like Jaehyun. He didn't know if he liked it or not. Some part of him found it relaxing but the other part told him to leave because it was not his bed or his room either. Would he have done that if he had proper clothes on him? Maybe not.

He closed his eyes and tried not to think about anything. What time was it even? He should be in a class right now. After a while he heard the shower being turned off. He turned to look at the bathroom door when it was opened.

"Taeyong, do you want to use a shower?" Jaehyun was already wearing dry clothes. His hair was towel dried and he looked clean unlike Taeyong himself.

"I'll pass." Use someone else's shower? No thanks. He could just go home and shower there. He sat up as he felt uncomfortable just laying there, Jaehyun following his every move. Why was he looking him like that anyways? "I'll just wear the wet clothes and leave."

He couldn't stand the awkward atmosphere in the room. He rushed towards the bathroom but Jaehyun was still blocking the door. "Move."

Jaehyun just stared him with an unreadable expression. He felt fingers suddenly caressing his neck and then his cheek. The act looked almost affectionate but that was not possible. Taeyong didn't step away from the touch.

"If you give me a kiss." Taeyong could've just forcefully pushed him away from the door but instead, he leaned closer and gave Jaehyun a soft kiss on the lips. Jaehyun had meant it as a joke but when he was kissed he noticed how much he had actually meant it. He reached his hands on Taeyong's cheeks to keep him from backing away and heard the blond humming in the kiss approvingly.

Their lips moved together in sync but then Taeyong pushed him away abruptly. Jaehyun let him walk past him to the bathroom.

Taeyong looked at himself through the mirror. His hair was pointing in every direction, lips chapped and swollen and neck full of purple hickeys. The marks were much more noticeable than the last time. Why did he let Jaehyun do any of this to him?

He wanted to cry but didn't allow himself to. He changed into his earlier clothes that were almost dry. Should he just go home? He wasn't on a mood to study anymore.

Taeyong left the bathroom and didn't bother say anything to Jaehyun about leaving. He then left the room too.

 

* * *

 

 

"Taeyong, where did you disappear yesterday? I couldn't find you anywhere," The two friends waited for the lecture to begin outside of the classroom.

"I didn't feel like studying," Taeyong averted his gaze down from Ten. He himself was surprised at how effortlessly he lied. The turtleneck shirt he was wearing hid the obvious marks on his neck so maybe his friend would never even know the truth.

"Was it because of Ji-Eun?" Taeyong's gaze was on his friend again. He didn't want to talk about the girl but neither about yesterday. Actually, he didn't want to talk about anything at the moment.

"Um...no-"

"Taeyongiee!" He heard his name being called from somewhere. Who else would shout his name in the corridor full other students but Jaehyun? No one. He turned to where the voice had come but was surprised to see that the other was already standing in front of him.

"What do-" Taeyong's words were cut off when the taller suddenly pressed a kiss on his lips. He blushed recklessly. That was the least thing he had expected from Jaehyun. He had just kissed him on school corridor in front of everyone.

That was the first time in a long time he had actually cared what others thought of him. They must now think that they were together or something but it was not true. He didn't want to be known as gay in the school or anywhere else.

Taeyong just simply walked away. He was too busy getting away from the crowd to notice that someone had followed him. "Taeyong I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that. It just happened."

"Go away!" Taeyong shouted back at him.

"No I won't!" The blond walked faster. Where was he heading to?

Taeyong stopped in his tracks abruptly. No way. Why did he have to walk into her when Jaehyun could appear at any moment? He didn't want her to know anything about him and Jaehyun. Actually, there wasn't even a thing called him and Jaehyun. Then why did he care if someone saw them? He just didn't want the girl to misunderstand them. She had already noticed Taeyong too so running away was out of question.

"Oh Taeyong," Ji-Eun said but then her eyes moved to look past him.

Jaehyun saw that it as a chance when the blond had stopped in the middle of the corridor for whatever reason. He grabbed Taeyong's hand in his to drag him somewhere they could talk in private. "Jaehyunie?"

Jaehyunie? Did Ji-Eun know him? What was going on? Taeyong looked between Ji-Eun and the other whose hand was still holding his. "Oh, hi sis, I need to talk to Taeyongie here for a bit."

Jaehyun started dragging him away but the blond yanked his hand free. He himself surely looked as shocked as Ji-Eun when their eyes met.

"Jaehyunie, you and Taeyong know each other?" Jaehyun already knew that his sister and Taeyong knew each other so he was the only not confused. He nodded and missed the piercing look the blond was giving him.

"How do you know each other?" Taeyong was confused. "Jaehyun?"

The said male turned to him finally, smirked, then walked to Ji-Eun and put an arm around her shoulder. "She's my sister."

 


	18. Lying

Taeyong just stared at the two with eyes big.

They're siblings? Like a brother and sister?! Then Jaehyun must have known the whole time who Taeyong was to his sister. He must've known what a horrid mistake he had done including her. All of this time, he must've been punishing him from hurting his sister. He must know what a terrible person he was.

The smirk on Jaehyun's lips confirmed all of Taeyong's thoughts.

"By the way Ji-Eunie, how do you two know each other?" Jaehyun wiped off the smirk and turned to the girl. Wait. Jaehyun didn't know about them? What was this?

"Umm...it's kind of a long story-"

"Don't tell him!" Taeyong made a fast conclusion. If Jaehyun really didn't know anything, it should remain that way.

"Is he your ex or something?" Jaehyun just ignored what the blond had just said and continued questioning his sister.

"No but we actually used to know each other well-"

"Ji-Eun, please-"

"Taeyong let my sister speak. I want to know," Jaehyun gave him a warning look and turned back to his sister. He knew that he should take Taeyong's opinion into a count too but his desire to know about them was bigger. "Continue."

"What about you two, what are you?" Yeah right, what were they even? The question had been dropped. Jaehyun and Taeyong just stared at each other in silence neither knowing what to say. The younger was the first to decide to do something and walked the few steps beside the blond.

"I don't know what we are but something like this, I guess," he reached his hand to Taeyong's neck. The boy had no idea what the other was trying to do until his turtleneck was suddenly pulled down revealing the skin with hickeys. He quickly moved away from Jaehyun's hand but judging by the look on Ji-Eun's face, she had already seen what the other had intended to show her.

"Oh...Jungwoo and Lucas told me that you like someone but I never imagined it would be him," Ji-Eun's words caught the blond's attention. What did she mean? Like? He turned to Jaehyun. He was blushing.

"No no no, don't believe anything what they say. I don't like him like that," Jaehyun was fast to defend himself. He looked on his side where the blond stood.

Taeyong himself had said the same thing about Jaehyun too a few days ago but why did it hurt when he heard them instead? He had no right to feel that way. He turned around and simply just started walking away. He missed the shock on Jaehyun's face when he had realized what he had done.

"Oh my god I can't believe I witnessed that with my own eyes. Jaehyun do you realize you just actually hurt him?" Ji-Eun started lecturing his brother after Taeyong had turned around the corner. "I don't know what's going on between you two but I sure know what is Taeyong's hurt face."

"Ji-Eun, I don't even know what did I do wrong," Why did his heart sank when he saw that hurt expression on the blond's face? Why did he feel so bad about the previous comment? When he lifted his gaze on his sister he noticed how angry she was. She was so scary when something had upset her.

"What are you doing? Go after him!" Jaehyun flinched as Ji-Eun shouted attracting attention from the few students still hanging around the corridor. If he would go after him he wouldn't know what to say. "Now!"

"Okay okay I'll go," Jaehyun mumbled and dragged himself to the direction the other had just went. He probably went back to the class. If he was fast enough he would catch him before he went in the classroom. So he picked up the pace.

Taeyong was there. He stood in front of the door to classroom just staring at the floor. Jaehyun walked to him but the blond seemed not to notice. "Taeyong can we talk for a bit?"

He flinched but didn't turn to Jaehyun. "Please?"

"Okay." Taeyong just simply answered and headed towards the exit. He probably wanted to talk outside. Jaehyun watched him from the back while following him. He was really growing a mullet. Cute.

Jaehyun nearly bumped into him when the blond suddenly stopped and turned around. His face was emotionless. That was even scarier than his angry expression.

"Did I hurt you?" Jaehyun broke the silence first. It was cold and the freezing breeze gave them both chills.

"No." He lied effortlessly. What else should he have said?

Jaehyun was sure he had been hurt. Even Ji-Eun said so. Why did he lie? Why did he even look so hurt then? Maybe he should just pretend and believe him. Some things were better left unsaid. "Then can we just forget that earlier never happened?"

"Sure." Taeyong averted his gaze down. He didn't notice that the other still had eyes on him. Taeyong pulled the sleeves of his sweater over his hands and crossed them close to his chest to keep himself warm. Jaehyun wanted to suggest that they could go inside but instead, he pulled the boy in his arms.

Taeyong was surprised at the sudden warm hug, but he liked it very much. He would've liked it even more if his heart wouldn't feel so broken. He felt like crying his eyes out for some reason but didn't allow himself to shed a tear. So he just uncrossed his arms and wrapped them around Jaehyun’s torso, tugging his shirt from the back.

 

* * *

 

Taeyong couldn't sleep. He turned around changing his position in his bed restlessly. He couldn't help the day's events from disturbing his mind.

Jaehyun's words got him thinking. What was he to Jaehyun? If he was just an object for him then why does he say and do all of those sweet things to him if he didn't even mean them? Why did he look at him so lovingly if he didn't even care for him? Why did he make Taeyong feel so lonely when he was not there? Before he had met Jaehyun, he was always alone but never felt lonely.

Then there was Ji-Eun. She was Jaehyun's sister. How didn't Jaehyun know about him and his sister's past? Maybe Ji-Eun never talked to her brother anything about him. He hoped she would keep her mouth shut now too.

Taeyong picked up his phone from the nightstand. He could just play a game or two instead of rolling in his bed and thinking pointless things.

What is this? He had somehow ended up scrolling through his few contacts. His eyes caught a name what had not been there before. It said 'Jaehyunie'. Taeyong didn't remember giving the other his phone number. Then he had somehow secretly taken his phone.

Taeyong stared at the name for some time but then he started feeling sleepy. His grip on the phone loosened and it dropped on the bed making him wake up from his slumber. When he picked up the phone to put it away, he accidentally pressed 'call'.

 


	19. Admirable

" _Taeyong?_ " At least now he was wide awake again. It was past midnight but Jaehyun had still been fast to picked up his phone. Taeyong couldn't say anything. Hearing the other's voice made him feel even more worse but at the same time it sounded so shooting. 

"Jaehyun..." His voice broke when he whispered the name.

" _Are you okay? Why are you not sleeping?_ " Taeyong could ask the same too but he didn't. Why did Jaehyun sound like he cared?

"Jaehyun...I-I don't want to be alone." He could've just said that he called accidentally, which was true, and end the call but he didn't.

" _You're at home, right? I'm coming there_."

"You are?" Taeyong didn't even realize what the other had suggested.

" _I'll be there in twenty minutes._ " Jaehyun then just ended the call leaving the other dumbfounded. Jaehyun was coming here. He was actually coming here in the middle of the night.

Taeyong hated himself from agreeing in such a thing but at the same time he was happy about it. He wore a hoodie over his t-shirt and left to the kitchen. His mother was fast asleep in her room but he tried not to make any sound just in case.

Twenty five minutes went by. Taeyong leaned his head on the cold table and stared at his phone. Jaehyun was not coming. Had he really just believed that the other would actually go outside in the middle of the night just for his sake? He was stupid to think so. Then he got a message. It said 'open the door'.

He walked quietly to the door but he still couldn't believe if the text was real. Not until he came face to face with Jaehyun."Oh you really came."

"You wouldn't have waited if you didn't believe that I would." Jaehyun said calmly. He looked tired. Taeyong shifted a bit to the side to let him inside the house from the cold. He closed the door after him but then was surprised with a warm hug. "Are you not lonely anymore?"

Taeyong hugged him back wrapping his arms around the taller's torso and burying his face in his shoulder. "Mm."

They hugged each other for some time just enjoying the warmth before Taeyong dragged the other in his room. Neither of them wanted to say anything as they were both so tired.

The first time Jaehyun was there the other had been so much against the idea of letting him even touch his bed. Now sleeping in the same bed seemed like the most natural thing. Taeyong needed pull the other in his bed because he looked so hesitant.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Jaehyun then laid beside him after the blond's confirmation and pulled the covers on both of them. To his surprise the blond threw his hand around his torso and moved himself closer. Not that he minded at all.

Both of them fell asleep in no time, feeling comfortable. 

 

* * *

 

 

Taeyong was the first one to wake up in the morning. He knew he should wake the other up too because they had school but he didn't want to. Jaehyun had his other hand around his waist and his nose in Taeyong’s hair while Taeyong was half laying on him. Just a few weeks ago he would've never imagined he'd find himself in this situation, let alone, enjoy the closeness.

Jaehyun smelled surprisingly good. He usually didn't really pay attention to it but now when the other was still fast asleep, he had a great opportunity to safely _admire_ him. His bed would now smell like Jaehyun even if he was not there.

He turned around and leaned his head on his arms to be able to look at the other. Jaehyun looked so peaceful in his sleep. He reached his hand to the other's face and traced his fingertips lightly on his cheek. He had never before done that to him.

It was weird. Everything that Jaehyun did to him had so much effect on him. The other had somehow partly cured him even without actually meaning to do so. He wasn't so afraid of everything anymore and he didn't freak out when Jaehyun touched him. But it was just Jaehyun. He didn't think he'd be okay to touch anyone else because he didn't even like the idea of seeing Jaehyun touching someone else than him.

Taeyong changed his position back to the way it had previously been but then he felt the other's arm around his waist moving a bit. Jaehyun sighed which he felt as a puff in his hair. He was probably waking up. "Jaehyun?"

Taeyong heard him groaning before he was pushed away from Jaehyun. Taeyong didn't like that so he tried shuffling back closer. Jaehyun was unmoving again and it was boring.

"I'll just go make breakfast then." He sighed and climbed over the sleeping one to get out of the bed but before he managed to step on the floor, he was pulled back again. Now he was completely laying on top of Jaehyun. His other hand was around Taeyong’s waist and the other one on his butt, keeping the blond boy down. Taeyong felt heat growing on his cheeks.

"Don't go anywhere yet." Jaehyun's whispered with his hoarse morning voice. He gazed Taeyong's blushed face closely. "You're so beautiful even in the morning."

The blond tried to pull himself up but Jaehyun groped his bum to keep him still and making him blush even more. "Stop that."

"No, I know you actually like it, kitty." Jaehyun did it again and Taeyong hid his face in the crook of his neck. Taeyong was okay with it but he still thought it was very embarrassing. Jaehyun's other hand moved down too and the blond breathed in sharply. One cold hand slipped in his sweatpants and boxers. The skin contact caused the boy shiver and let out a groan.

Then they heard the door opening. Taeyong rolled quickly off Jaehyun and pulled the covers up properly. He glanced at the door to see the woman standing there in shock. He cursed internally.

"Mom..."

 


	20. Bite

"Mom, it's not what it looks like." Taeyong tried to explain but his red face was making it impossible to believe. He was so embarrassed. His mom's shocked face turned quickly back to neutral.

"I didn't know we had guests. I'll go make breakfast for you two." She left and closed the door after. The blond hid his face in his hands and groaned in frustration. She had seen that but ignored it totally.

"Now she's thinking something that is not true." Taeyong rolled on the bed messing his hair while the other watched him in amusement and grinned unconsciously at how cute he was.

"What is not true?...Stop moving around." Jaehyun grabbed him on his waist to stop him. The blond haired boy removed his hands from covering his face and turned his doe eyes on him. "Do you think what we're doing is wrong?"

"Of course it is. I'm not gay and we're not together or anything so we're not supposed to do things like that." Taeyong sat up and crawled out of the bed.

"Does it matter?" For Taeyong it did but he knew for the other it didn't.

"No." He lied quickly and went towards the door. "Are you coming?"

They went to kitchen and saw Taeyong's mom preparing breakfast for them. The blond pulled a chair and sat down awkwardly while nervously nibbling his nails. Jaehyun was calm unlike the other. He saw Taeyong's discomfort so he poked the blond's thigh with his knee to make him snap out of it.

"Shouldn't you both be in school by now?" She asked and sat down on the opposite side of the table. She had made more breakfast than usually. "But eat first."

She stood up not waiting either of them to answer anything. Is she just gonna ignore it like that? "Mom, aren't you gonna ask?"

"Don't worry about it. I'm fine with whoever you date. Jaehyun, I think you're a great guy so take care of my precious boy well, will you? I need to go to work now, bye." She left the room leaving the both of them stare after her.

"Oh my god, did you just hear what she said? She thinks we're dating." Taeyong whined, hiding his face in his hands and leaning on the table with his elbows. He had never expected her to be that approving but she should've let them explain first before making fast conclusions. Well, how would've they even explained themselves?

"I think that's good."

"Huh?" Taeyong turned to the other who was talking nonsense.

"Don't you think it's better if she thinks that we're dating than knowing what we're actually doing?"

"But it's not true!"

"Do you want it to be true then?" Jaehyun regretted his words tight after he had blurted them out. He noticed how the blond blushed.

"N-No." He stuttered.

"Good. Don't worry, she won't find out." Jaehyun turned to look at the food on the table and picked up a slice of apple. He pushed it on the blond's lips. "Here. Eat this and stop stressing about it."

Taeyong got embarrassed by being fed like that. He took a bit of the apple either way. Jaehyun took the other half of it and ate it while smirking at him.

 

* * *

 

 

After they had eaten and cleaned the table Taeyong wanted to go take a shower. "After I'm done we're going to school. I have already skipped too much lately."

He left the kitchen but Jaehyun followed after him. Just as he was closing the bathroom door the other blocked it. "Let me come with you."

"No."

"We'll be faster if we shower together."

"You can take a shower when you get home." Taeyong wasn't really fond of the idea. It would be so awkward showering with another naked man. He just knew Jaehyun would try to do something.

"Then you're not getting a shower either." Jaehyun pulled him out of the room and closed the door. He pushed the blond against the wall next to the door and leaned close to his ear. He pressed a light kiss on the neck right under the ear and started tracing his lips down on the skin while keeping the boy still with hands on his hips. Taeyong did no attempt to escape so he took the tender skin between his teeth and bit it hard enough to leave a mark. He heard the boy whining and then he was pushed away.

"Why did you do that? It hurt." Jaehyun had not done that to him before as he didn't want the boy to freak out like this.

"If you let me shower with you, your body will be saved from being covered with those." Jaehyun traced his fingers on the mark close to the blond's collar bone.

"Okay."

"Okay what?" The blond averted his gaze down cheeks growing red.

"I'll go shower...y-you just do as you will." Taeyong opened the bathroom door and sneaked in the room. He let the door unlocked if the other actually wanted to join him. And he did.

Jaehyun had not imagined the other would actually give in that easily. Maybe he had secretly not been against the idea in the the first place or something. Well, it didn't matter anymore. He locked the door just in case even though they were alone in the house. Taeyong had already quickly undressed and turned on the shower.

Jaehyun did the same and opened the shower curtain to see that the other was washing the shampoo away from his hair. He could watch the boy up and down as much as he liked now that his back was turned at him. He noticed better his perfect smooth skin and the tiny waist which looked so huggable. His skinny legs looked even more longer without anything covering them.

Taeyong turned around abruptly being startled at how close the other was standing him. He tried not to let his eyes wander on Jaehyun's naked body and not to blush. The situation felt so awkward and new for him. He noticed the weird look in Jaehyun’s eyes, then he was kissed.

He kissed Jaehyun back immediately as if he had missed his lips for ages. Jaehyun drew him in, his arms his hands roaming on the boy's sides and Taeyong’s hands went in the back of his neck to pull him closer. Their lips moved on each other's hungrily and sloppily at first, then Jaehyun bit his lips and made their tongues meet.

Jaehyun's hands moved the the blond's butt and groped the both cheeks making Taeyong whimper in his mouth. His index finger moved to touch the boy's hole, just to show him what to expect.

"Where do you think you're touching?" Taeyong pulled back from the messy tongue fight. His eyes wandered slightly down to see Jaehyun's muscular chest glued against his. His body was more muscular than his and it almost looked sexy. Taeyong had really been turned on by a male body for the first time. He had never before even thought that a male body could be attractive. He blushed like crazy when realizing it.

"This," Jaehyun rubbed his entrance with the finger but it felt just uncomfortable for Taeyong. "Is where I'll be fucking you...someday."

"You can't be serious." Taeyong unwrapped his arms around his neck and pushed Jaehyun’s hands away from him. He crossed his arms on his chest to feel less exposed under Jaehyun's eyes.

"That's how things, sex, work between guys."

"That's like the most dirtiest thing I've ever heard." Taeyong showed him a disgusted face.

"And the most pleasurable thing you'll ever experience." Taeyong's face went red. He saw a cocky grin flashing on the other's lips before he leaned in to connect their lips again. The kiss turned out just to be short when Jaehyun decided to he wanted to try something new.

"Is this conditioner?" Jaehyun took a bottle behind the other and showed it to him.

"You're not gonna wash with shampoo first?"

"I'm not using this for that. Hold on to me." The confused boy wrapped his arms around the taller's neck again. Jaehyun brought him even more closer so the blond would lean his chin on his shoulder.

"What are you doing?" Taeyong heard the bottle being opened, then felt a slick finger pressing against his entrance.

"Jaehyu- ah!" Jaehyun pushed his index finger fully inside in one go and he felt how the boy tensed and dug his nails in his back. "J-Jaehyun...it feels fucking weird."

"It'll get better soon." He moved his finger in and out slowly and then curled it inside making Taeyong tremble. It wasn't getting any better for him. He shut his eyes in pain. Jaehyun added another finger soon and heard the boy crying out loud.

"Fuck, Jaehyun it hurts like hell! Please stop." The boy leaned his weight on him more when Jaehyun curled his fingers inside again. Then a loud moan escaped the blond's lips when his prostate was hit. Jaehyun smiled to himself and did that again.

"J-Jaehyun what the fuck is that?" Taeyong asked with a breathy voice. Then Jaehyun hit his sweet spot again and his knees nearly failed him. He gripped tighter on the slippery body and whimpered restlessly.

"That's how good it'll feel when I fuck into you. Actually, even better." Jaehyun felt the other's erection pressing against him. He let go of Taeyong’s waist, leaving him stand on his own and started pumping his hard on.

The pleasure was overwhelming and Taeyong was having a hard time keeping himself on his feet. He groaned in the taller's shoulder his nails scratching the slippery skin and legs trembling more at every wave of pleasure Jaehyun gave him whenever his fingers hit his sweet spot.

He then released in Jaehyun's hand and water washed the white liquid away immediately. Jaehyun barely catched him in his arms when his legs couldn't help him anymore. He breathed shakily on Jaehyun’s shoulder and tried to relax.

Taeyong could feel it. He felt Jaehyun's erection pressing against his thigh and he didn't know if he was happy about it. He stood frozen, calming his breath being afraid to move, afraid to face Jaehyun.

 


	21. Cold

"J-Jaehyun your-"

"I'll handle it later. You already washed, you can go now." Jaehyun didn't want to make the other to do something he was not comfortable with. He was totally okay with that. He tried to push Taeyong away but the boy was still keeping him tightly in his arms. "Taeyong, let go...or I'll tickle you."

He caressed Taeyong's sides with his hands and felt how the boy shivered. The blond unwrapped his arms around him reluctantly after a minute. He was careful not to look down when he got out of the shower. He then quickly wrapped the towel around his waist and picked up his clothes with him. Before exiting the room, he left a clean towel for the other.

It was already 11 am. Taeyong quickly changed in clothes and left to school while the other was still in shower. Jaehyun could leave himself when he was ready.

 

* * *

 

 

Taeyong had managed to get on the third period. He listened to the teacher's lecture in boredom and drew circles on his notebook to keep himself entertained. He didn't even know why he even went to school as he could've just skipped and spent the day with Jaehyun. The other had probably left the house by now and went to where ever he liked to spent his past time. He wouldn't come to school. Then when could he see him again?

The phone buzzed in his pocked and Taeyong cursed internally. Someone was spamming him with messages. He was afraid that the teacher would notice if he took his phone out. Anyway, he hid it under the table and tried not to look like he was not using phone.

**Jaehyunie**  
where did you disappear?  
school?  
why didn't you wait for me??  
answer mee  
TAEYONG!!  
taeyongiiiieeee!!!  
lee taeyong!!!!  
how ruude  
why r u ignoring me?

**You**  
stop spamming, im in class right now

**Jaehyunie**  
no

**You**  
Please

**Jaehyunie**  
i have something to ask you...

**You**  
make it quick

**Jaehyunie**  
so i found something in your room

**You**  
DONT TOUCH MY THINGS AND LEAVE THE HOUSE ALREADY!!!

**Jaehyunie**  
i already left but dont you wanna know what i found?

**You**  
not actually

**Jaehyunie**  
why did you quit dancing?

Taeyong froze. He knows? Did Ji-Eun tell him already? Or...he really did see them. He must've seen some of the trophies from the dance competitions and pictures of him and Ji-Eun he had hidden in his closet. He stared at the last message from Jaehyun even forgetting he was in the classroom.

**Jaehyunie**  
im outside of your classroom  
lets talk

Taeyong put the phone away without replying. He tried to concentrate on the teacher's voice but no avail. He looked at the clock above the door. The lesson would end in ten minutes then he'd have to face him but he didn't want him to know anything.

He tried to come up with a lie or excuse to not to have to talk with Jaehyun but ten minutes went too fast. The bell rang so he started slowly gathering his things in his backpack as he couldn't stay in the classroom either. He was so nervous.

When he turned around to leave, he almost crashed with a guy that was now standing right in front of him. He lifted his gaze and he was startled by a pair of cold eyes staring intensely in his. He gulped and took a step back from Jaehyun. The blond looked nervously around the classroom and noticed that nearly everyone had left already.

"Was it really you? You're that guy who Ji-Eun cried after for so long. You were the one that made Ji-Eun depressed because you broke her leg and made her unable to dance, right?!" Jaehyun shouted. He was scary. Every cold word about his past made his chest tighten and hurt so much. All along, he had known that Jaehyun would come to hate him if he found out.

"Taeyong look at me!" Jaehyun shouted desperately but the other couldn't lift his eyes. He didn't want to see the look in his eyes when he looked at him like a piece of trash. He didn't want to see him looking at him in hate disappointment. But he really deserved to hear all of that. He never deserved Jaehyun's affectionate words and acts. Tears threatened to fall from his eyes but he tried to swallow them back.

"Taeyong look at me and tell me that it was not you!!" Jaehyun was loosing his patience. He was too blinded by emotions that he couldn't see how uncomfortable and near breaking the other really was. He took a step closer to Taeyong and made him face him by placing his hands on his either cheeks, roughly turning his face forward. "Please, tell me it wasn't you..."

Taeyong lifted his teary eyes on him and the pained expression on his face made everything clear to Jaehyun.

"I-I'm sorry." He whispered with a broken voice. A tear fell when he looked in Jaehyun's cold eyes.  
The touch of his hands was harsh unlike earlier. Jaehyun let go of him and left him alone in the classroom.

Taeyong broke down crying. He sat on the chair and hid his face in his hands. He hoped that no one could hear or see him.

It hurt so much. He didn't even know why he felt so miserable even when he had all along known that Jaehyun would someday just throw him away or get bored of him. He had known that the other never even cared about him more than as a someone to satisfy his needs. Why did he feel like he had lost someone really important to him?

The cold and hateful look in Jaehyun's eyes flashed in his mind making his heart clench in pain again and again.

 

* * *

 

 

"Ji-Eun hi. You know, about that Taeyong guy...I won't see him again so no need to worry. I'm sorry, if I had known earlier what he did to you I would've never gotten close to him." Jaehyun called his sister. It had taken him a few hours to process everything and make sure he could promise Ji-Eun such a thing.

When he left the classroom, he had been stopped by the boy's cries. He had almost wanted to go back and comfort him for some reason but he stayed outside, near the classroom door. His crying sounded so pained and heart breaking. As if he had suppressed it for a long time. Why did he even cry? Did he feel sorry? It was right to him to feel miserable but why did it make Jaehyun feel like a terrible person for making him cry?

Taeyong had made him feel so many conflicted things and hearing him cry like that wasn't making it any easier for him to walk away.

" _Jaehyun what? What did you do?_ " Why did she sound angry?

"Why are you asking?"

" _No, you don't understand. He did nothing,_ _it was an_ _accident_ _. I heard from his friend that h_ _e blames himself for_ _it_ _and_ _quit dancing because of that._ _I've been trying to get him talk with me but he avoids me. He's so afraid of me. Tell me you didn't yell at him or anything that sort, please,_ " Jaehyun's face fell when he listened to what his sister had to say. So that's why he cried so hard.

"But he still caused you injured-"

" _I already told you that it was not his fault and it_ _really_ _doesn't matter anymore! I'm already completely healed but he is still hurting so much. Can't you see that?_ _And c_ _an you please tell him that I wan't to talk to him?_ " Jaehyun lowered the phone from his ear.

He regretted immediately that he had ever yelled and made the boy cry.

 

 


	22. Teary-eyed

Taeyong skipped school for a week until his mom didn't allow him to do that anymore without a reason. He couldn't tell her anything. Just lied and told that he felt sick.

Jaehyun called him. Many times. He didn't answer even in one. He got many messages but didn't dare to read any of them. He skipped school because he didn't want to see him and he was scared of being hurt again. He wanted to forget everything about Jaehyun and if the other would show up at him for whatever reason he was calling him, that would be impossible.

After a week on Friday he was finally dragged to school by his friend, Ten, who was now sitting opposite of him. They were on a lunch break in school cafeteria and Taeyong tried to hide himself in his oversized black hoodie. He couldn't eat but he waited as his friend ate while he nervously glanced at the clock from time to time.

"So...can't you just tell me what happened?" Ten asked for the nth time the same day. Taeyong glanced at him briefly.

"I already said that I don't wanna talk about it."

"You know, keeping it all to yourself isn't healthy. I know you still haven't gotten over the thing that happened between you and Ji-Eun either...Ji-Eun?!" Taeyong's face snapped in the direction his friend was now looking. The girl's eyes met his so he averted his gaze down again and tried to hide himself better under the hood. He wanted to do nothing more than run away again.

"Taeyong we are gonna talk now!" The said boy looked at his friend with pleading eyes. He hoped that Ten would help him out of the situation.

"Ji-Eun you know what, Taeyong would gladly do that right now," Great, his best friend had just betrayed him. Taeyong looked at him in disbelief still not moving in his seat.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Ten and Ji-Eun had finally managed to get up from his seat. They needed to threaten him that they'd carry him if he didn't walk himself. Ten left the two alone with a pleased smile on his face while the other boy was scared to death. He was afraid of the things she would say to him.

His eyes wandered on the ground while the girl stood a few steps away from him. They stood outside under the shelter and it was freezing. His shoulders tensed when Ji-Eun started talking.

"Ten told me everything you've been doing these past years," Ten was going to hear about that later. Why couldn't he keep his mouth shut?

"I know what you're thinking but you should thank him later instead," Why the hell should he do that?

"Taeyong why the hell are you torturing yourself like that? Yeah, I know about your anxiety problems and how they began," Ji-Eun shouted and the other flinched. He was afraid everyone nearby could hear her. He didn't want to answer. The girl sighed before starting to talk again.

"When I was at the hospital, I waited for you to visit because I wanted to tell you that I was sorry. Still am. My parents and my brother were really angry with you but I wasn't. I knew you better than them. I was very disappointed though when you never came. At some point I came into a conclusion that you probably hated me for ruining our performance or something. Then when I finally came back to dance studio, I found that you had left. I thought that you probably changed studious so I just blindly accepted it. I had no idea what you were actually going through at that time," Taeyong couldn't believe anything she was telling but still listened carefully.

"Then I met you again," Ji-Eun's voice broke. "You can't even imagine how much I hated myself when I heard what had happened to you. When Ten told me... If I just had searched you and told you that I was fine and nothing was your fault, then maybe you would still dance and do the thing you love the most. Maybe you wouldn't have blamed yourself for it like me, and I'm sure you would still be yourself," Taeyong looked at her. She was on the verge of tears. Was that really what she had thought about him the whole time?

"But it really was my fault. You shouldn't have blamed yourself for it," Taeyong opened his mouth for the first time. His words caught the girls attention.

"I already told you, stop blaming yourself! It was an accident. I know you're not a bad person to hurt anyone on purpose, just overly sensitive and cautious and thoughtful. I was the one that wanted to change our choreography just before the competition, remember? So definitely not your fault that I broke my leg." That was true.

"I don't hate you and neither does my brother. He misunderstood our situation so don't hate him. And please, start dancing again, I know how much you love it. I don't want to be the reason that's holding you back ," Taeyong felt like crying, again. The look in Ji-Eun's eyes was sincere and he could almost believe in her words.

Maybe that was what he had needed to hear. He had all this time thought that she would hate him for his mistake and that he would never deserve to enjoy about anything again but he was wrong. He had no idea it would turn out this way.

"J-Ji-Eun... I'm so sorry," She came closer to him with a few steps.

"Don't say that. You have nothing to be sorry for," She reached her hand to his cheek to wipe away the lone tear but the boy pulled his head back before her finger tips managed to touch his cheek. "Oh I'm sorry, I already forgot that you had this..."

"No it's fine. Just a reflex...y-you can-," Taeyong stuttered. The girl guessed what the other was implying and raised her hand again. Taeyong clenched his jaw and tried not to move his head away when the hand was almost touching his cheek. On the outside he looked calm but in reality he was freaking out and wanting to run away.

"You don't seem so comfortable," Ji-Eun dropped her hand and the other sighed visibly in relief. Ten had been right, talking had helped him as his heart felt now lighter. Then he had thought it would be fine to let someone touch him now that he didn't feel so anxious anymore, but it wasn't.

"About Jaehyun...how is it that you seem so comfortable with him?" Ji-Eun suddenly changed the topic and the other averted his gaze down again.

"I-It wasn't like I liked him or anything...I just...I don't know..." He felt his cheeks growing red.

"I guess I just liked the attention I was given by him," He felt so embarrassed but still raised his eyes on her. Now that he looked at her properly, he noticed that she really did resemble his brother surprisingly much. How didn't he notice that earlier?

"Are you sure?"

"O-Of course..." Why was he even hesitating?

Neither of them knew that someone had been around the corner eavesdropping them the whole time. The someone had seen and heard everything.

 

 


	23. Changes

Jaehyun should be glad that whatever he and Taeyong were didn't have more effect in the other's life now that they should be nothing anymore. For some reason he didn't feel as relieved as he should. He should not be wanting to go there and tell him how much he wanted him back and then kiss him senseless.

When he first started tease and mess around with Taeyong, his only goal had been to get to have sex with the boy. Never could he have imagined that that he'd actually grow feelings for him. He didn't even know that he was actually capable of feeling something like that. He started to put Taeyong's comfort over his own and even just seeing him made his day better. He had really been hurt and didn't want to believe it when he found who Taeyong was to his sister.

He looked around the corner and noticed that Taeyong was now walking in his direction. Ji-Eun had went the other way. He looked at the boy wearing a hood over his head closely and then noticed a small smile on his lips. So he actually knows how to smile.

He hid around the corner again when the other got closer. Taeyong didn't even notice him when he walked past him, probably too deep in thoughts. Jaehyun wanted to reach out his hand and stop him from walking away. He wanted to do it so bad...so he did it.

He pushed the boy against the cold concrete wall and he managed to notice the surprise in the other's wide eyes before he connected their lips in a heated kiss. He lifted his hands tenderly on the boy's cheeks and pushed his body against the smaller one. He kissed him as gently as he could and Taeyong melted in the kiss immediately moving his lips the same way. He caressed the soft cheeks with his thumbs while the other's arms crept around his back and clutched his shirt with trembling hands.

The kiss was desperate but so sweet that Jaehyun couldn't even believe why he enjoyed such a kiss that much. He was brought back to reality when he felt something wet on the boy's cheeks. He pulled back, despite not wanting to, to see the brown orbs gazing at him. He noticed the pained expression he was wearing and he hated that it was because of him.

Jaehyun wiped the tears gently away with his thumbs.

"Don't cry..." he whispered and just then noticed what the boy was hiding under his hood. His hair, which used to be blond, was now raven colored, the same as Jaehyun's. His bangs also seemed longer, falling on his teary eyes. He might look different but in Jaehyun's eyes he was still the same person he deeply cared for.

"Taeyong...I lo-" Jaehyun froze and shut his mouth to prevent the accident from happening. He nearly told the boy something he wasn't even aware of himself. Maybe he had only been too caught in the moment as he suddenly wanted to show the other how much he actually means for him.

Jaehyun's hands dropped and he took a step away from the boy. Taeyong had stopped crying and was then staring at him with so hurtful eyes. Before he could say anything, Jaehyun walked quickly away leaving him without explanations.

That hurt. It hurt so much. Taeyong let the tears fall again. Jaehyun had used him again. Why was he so weak and couldn't bring himself to refuse anything the other did to him? How could he even kiss him like that and then leave without explanations?

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Jungwoo, I did something terrible," Jaehyun found his friends after having looked for them around the school. He hugged Jungwoo out of the blue needing someone to comfort him. He was scared of the foreign things a particular person made him feel.

"Tell me," He heard Jungwoo sighing but then he was pulled away from him.

"Don't touch my boyfrie-"

"Lucaas~" Then he hugged the taller surprising both of his friends. Jaehyun usually wasn't the one to act like that.

"Hey, why are you acting like this?" Jungwoo asked and Jaehyun squeezed Lucas tighter making sure he couldn't slip away. He turned his head on Lucas' chest to Jungwoo.

"I accidentally almost told Taeyongie the L-word in the heat of the moment..."

"What? Really?!" Both of them shouted at the same time and Lucas got himself free from Jaehyun's grasp. He looked down in embarrassment.

"Our little Jaehyunie has finally grown up!" Lucas teased and patted his head.

"I said ALMOST and ACCIDENTALLY!!" Jaehyun slapped the hand away.

"Hold on, if you say that then it means you ran away?" Jungwoo reasoned and Jaehyun nodded shyly.

"How much more stupid can you get? If you can say it in the heat of a moment then don't you think it means something?" Lucas nodded his head approving in everything his boyfriend was telling Jaehyun.

"I don't know... but I do know that Taeyong doesn't think the same way about me, I heard him say that just a while ago," He lifted his eyes up to see the both of them looking him with raised eyebrow.

"Dude, you just admitted that you're in love with that boy," Jaehyun jaw fell open but before he could protest, he caught a sight of someone walking towards them in the corner of his eye.

"Oh Jaehyun, I was just looking for you. I want you to know that mom and dad are expecting you to join to the dinner tomorrow night. Wear something nice, not a suit but no jeans either. You better be there," Ji-Eun patted his shoulder and then walked past him. Jaehyun had already decided that he would just skip.

"Oh and Taeyong will be there too," She turned around to say that and Jaehyun was then twice as confused. Why would Taeyong need to join them to a family dinner? He felt conflicted. He really didn't want to see his parents but if the certain person would be there, that was a whole different story.

"Bro. Good luck with that," Lucas hit his back wishing him good luck and Jaehyun choked. He usually got angry and bashed him for doing that but now the only thing in his mind was Taeyong.

 


	24. Dear

Jaehyun paced around the room thinking hard. He felt so frustrated and nervous as he didn't know if it would be a good idea to go to the dinner. Ji-Eun had texted him that he should be there by 7 PM but the time was passing too fast.

"Dude, stop doing that!" Mark was trying to do his homework and Jaehyun annoyed him by pacing around and letting out frustrating groans.

"Mark what should I do?" Jaehyun asked him sounding desperate.

"Go outside and stop bothering me?" He knew what Jaehyun meant as he had told him earlier about his concern but he decided to play dumb hoping that he'd take his suggestion into account.

Jaehyun just gave him a warning look. He was not in a good mood for jokes. "Look, Jaehyun. If you're even considering to go, then you really should go. Why are you even so nervous about it? They're just your parents. It's not like you're going on a first date or anything..."

Oh, yeah, Jaehyun didn't tell him about the Taeyong part. That was the reason he was so anxious. He still couldn't think of a reason to why would Taeyong be there. Had Ji-Eun invited him or something? Why? Nothing just made sense. It wasn't like his sister would lie to him about something like that so he believed that she was telling him the truth.

He looked at the watch on his wrist. He should hurry or he would be late if he even decided to go. "You know what, I'm going."

"Finally." Mark muttered to himself and turned back to his work.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jaehyun stood at the front door and waited to be brave enough to ring the door bell. He didn't have the key to the house anymore as his father had taken it away from him when he was kicked out. Now that he stood there all kind of memories flooded in his mind. He wondered if his room wound still look the same when he left a year ago. Probably not.

He regretted deciding that it would be a good idea to come here. He didn't want to see his parents' disappointed faces again. At the same time he was curious to know why they wanted to talk to him in the first place.

He was lifting his hand to the door bell but then the door suddenly flew open. He was startled at that and stumbled backwards.

"Jaehyunie what are you doing outside? You're late," Ji-Eun took a hold of his arm and pulled him inside. "Mom, dad, Jaehyun is here!"

"Ji-Eun I don't think I should be here after all," Jaehyun tried to wiggle free from his sister's grasp and nervously glanced back at the door. He was starting to freak out for some reason.

"Nonsense, man up will you?"

Just then their mom and dad appeared in the room. Ji-Eun let go of his arm. Both of them looked exactly as he remembered. He didn't see hate or disappointment on their faces as he had expected. Just something he couldn't be sure about what it was.

"Jaehyun...good to see you again. We, your father and I, need to talk to you about something. We can talk over the dinner?" Their mom asked. Jaehyun looked from her to Ji-Eun. She nudged his arm to encourage him to answer.

"O-Okay, sure," he stuttered facing the floor.

"Great! Your sister's boyfriend is already waiting in the dining room. We should hurry before he'll get bored of waiting," She tried to say something funny to lighten the awkward atmosphere but Jaehyun was just confused about her words.

Ji-Eun didn't have a boyfriend. At least not that he knew about. He saw their parents disappear in the dining room. Ji-Eun was about to walk after them but Jaehyun was fast to stop him.

"Why didn't you tell me that you had a boyfriend? And that you'd take him here with you?" Ji-Eun only grinned and flipped his long hair.

"I did. Just see for yourself," She pulled him with her to the dining room. He had not expected this. He had not expected seeing Taeyong sitting there around the same table with his parents. Was he supposed to be Ji-Eun's boyfriend? How did that happen? It just didn't make any sense.

Jaehyun stared at the raven haired boy in pure shock and then he was finally noticed by him. Taeyong stood up abruptly and bowed to him. Really _bowed_ to him, as if he had never met him before.

"Hello, you must be Jaehyun. I'm Lee Taeyong, Ji-Eun's boyfriend," Taeyong introduced himself making Jaehyun dumbfounded. Was this some kind of a joke? Taeyong looked at him with so emotionless expression and it looked so real. As if he actually just introduced himself for the first time to him.

Taeyong sat down again and ignored him again. Jaehyun sat next to his mother and looked annoyingly between his sister and Taeyong who sat on the other side of the table. He couldn't remove his eyes from the boy that sat in front of him and he almost didn't hear that his mom called his name.

"What?" His head snapped to her direction.

"How's school?" His mother asked. He glanced at his father that had not said a single word since he saw Jaehyun. He was expecting his answer with an unreadable expression.

"Can you please stop making me pass every course? Don't you see how much I don't want to study there? The teachers hate me too because of tha-"

"Jaehyun, you're going to change schools," his father finally spoke up.

"What?!"

"Jaehyun dear, listen," his mom began. "It took us time to accept and understand your situation but now we do. We're sorry. We shouldn't have made you leave home and study in a school we wanted you to. We shouldn't have planned your life for you...When you didn't live with us anymore, we realized that our family isn't complete without you. You can choose where you want to study and we're going to support you in whatever choice you make."

"Is this some kind of a joke?" Jaehyun's voice broke a little. He didn't know what to say. "You can't just say something like that after so long time! Do you now expect me to just forgive you and move back in like that? Do you even know how scared I was to come here today? I was scared that you'd give me those disappointed looks again! You can't just- you can't just-..." Jaehyun broke in tears and hid his face in his hands. All the emotions he had held back for so long flooded out. He didn't know what he should feel now.

He felt a hand stroking his back in circular motion and then he was pulled in hug. He immediately could tell that it was his mom.

"Shh, shh, mom is sorry. So sorry...It's okay to cry," her soothing words calmed him down.

"Mom...I'm sorry," Jaehyun said after he had stopped crying. He raised his head to meet her teary eyes. She wiped the tears away from his eyes and caressed his cheeks lovingly. It was so nice to see the her looking at him lovingly like a mother at his child. Jaehyun felt hopeful that maybe everything could be right again.

For a moment Jaehyun had been so immersed in other things that he had forgotten Taeyong, who had just witnessed something he never imagined that he would. When Jaehyun turned to face him again, their eyes met briefly before Taeyong looked away pretending like he had never been caught staring.

 


	25. Doe eyes

The rest of the dinner was comfortable. Their mom had made Jaehyun's favorite dish and he hadn't realized how much he actually had missed homemade food. They talked about all kinds of things to catch up the past year Jaehyun had not lived home.

He stole glances at Taeyong from time to time but never caught the other's eyes again. He was totally being ignored. Ji-Eun and him didn't look like they were together or anything. They didn't even exchange odd looks to each other.

"So...tell us Jaehyun, are you in a relationship with anyone?" Both of his parents looked at him with expectant eyes. Were they seriously going to ruin the mood to talk about the topic Jaehyun knew they were very awkward with?

"Um...no," he answered after chewing his mouth empty.

"He actually really likes someone but he's too much of a coward to confess," Ji-Eun disturbed in the conversation. Jaehyun gave her a warning look but at the same time confusion was puzzling him. Why would she say that if the person she was referring to was supposedly his boyfriend?

"Oh really? Tell us about him," Jaehyun was trying his best to not to cringe. It was just too weird to hear his mom saying 'him'.

"Mom, can we just not talk about that?" How could he even tell them about the person that was sitting right in front of him? He lifted his eyes and to his surprise he was met by a pair of doe eyes gazing at him. Taeyong didn't even break the eye contact immediately. Why did he look angry?

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Jaehyun we were wondering if you'd want to stay the night here? It's already so late," They were now done eating. Jaehyun turned to his mom. "Your room is still the same if you're wondering."

"I still don't know about the moving in yet but sure, I can stay for a night," Jaehyun glanced then at his sister and Taeyong that were discussing about something at the doorway. He would be leaving now and Jaehyun had not exchanged any words with him the whole time. He wanted to talk to him privately but he had no chance for that as everyone else was in the same room all the time.

He still couldn't believe the two of them would actually be together. He was almost sure about it being a lie because he had not seen neither of them touching each other in any way. He knew that he was the only one Taeyong was comfortable with, and he could not change that quickly. But even just seeing the two standing too close to each other made him feel so much jealousy.

"Taeyong you could stay the night too. I really don't want you catch a cold in the rain. Your girl wouldn't want that either, right Ji-Eun?" Their mother asked.

"Thanks but no thanks. I'll manage, no need to worry," Then Jaehyun remembered it. Taeyong hates rain. It was raining heavily and Taeyong's home was not so close. Was he really going to walk?

Jaehyun looked at him trying to see any sign of hesitation or nervousness. He then noticed how he was squeezing his hand in a fist trying to keep it from shaking. He suddenly had a huge urge to protect the boy.

"Mom, that's a great idea! Let's have a sleepover!" Jaehyun acted enthusiastically. Taeyong gave him a weird look.

"I'm fine-"

"Yeah it is a great idea. Why didn't I think of that?" Jaehyun was confused about his sister's response. Why did she look so enthusiastic about it? Did she want to sleep in a same bed with him or something? "Taeyong, Jaehyun will lend you clothes and you can sleep in his room." Jaehyun nearly choked on his saliva. What was she planning?

"Ji-Eun, I said I'm fine-" Taeyong tried.

"I don't want you to get a cold. You'll be just fine with Jaehyun."

In the end, the both of them ended up in Jaehyun's room. Jaehyun looked around his clean and organised room that looked exactly as he remembered. It had been kept clean from getting dusty. His eyes wandered in the every corner of his room, then they landed on the other boy nervously standing at the door and staring at the floor.

Jaehyun walked to closet and tried to find something that the other could wear. He still wanted to ask him about him and Ji-Eun but he didn't know how to start. He wasn't usually that bad with words.

"Aren't you gonna thank me?" He asked, still facing the other way.

"About?"

"You can leave if you want to but it's still raining," He waited for a while but he didn't hear anything. No door opening, neither answer. So he turned around.

"So...you and my sister?"

"Sorry it was just an act. Ji-Eun asked me to do it," He was still facing the floor but Jaehyun gazed him up and down.

"Why?"

"Um...I'm not supposed to tell you..."

"Sure..." Disappointment could be clearly noticed from the tone of his voice.

"She wanted to make sure that you'd meet your parents and make you jealous as a revenge," Taeyong blurted out.

"You just told me that you can't tell me and then you did?...I don't understand you," Jaehyun shook his head in disbelief. He was glad that the thing between Taeyong and Ji-Eun was just an act as he had expected but he still couldn't understand the other part. Sure he had gotten jealous but how was it a revenge? For what?

He walked in front of Taeyong making him tensed up. "What do you think I would be jealous for?"

"I don't know...you weren't..."

"Look at me, please?" Taeyong's back was against the door now and head turned down to the side. Jaehyun touched his chin with one finger and raised his head tenderly. Finally, he got to see the brown doe eyes again. His finger lingered on the other's chin for a moment and he noticed the blush that had crept on the boy's cheeks. Taeyong was making it hard for him to think clearly when he looked at him like that, with those eyes.

"Are you using me?" Taeyong suddenly asked quietly. If he didn't stand so close to Taeyong he would've missed the question. Jaehyun dropped his finger but the other didn't break the eye connection.

"Why do you think that?"

"You said that you like someone but at the same time you keep bothering me," And that someone is him. How can he actually be so dense? Jaehyun didn't want him to believe something that was not true but he couldn't bring himself to tell him that.

"So I'm just a bother to you?" He picked up on something else avoid telling the truth.

"Yeah-, I mean no-, I don't know..." Taeyong's eyes wandered somewhere else.

"Sure, just a bother..." Jaehyun never imagined he could actually get hurt by those kind of words. He was never the one to grow attached to anyone but there he now was, wanting the boy to belong to just him.

"Here, you can sleep on the bed," Jaehyun handed him his old oversized hoodie and pointed at the bed behind him. The other just gave him a puzzled look before Jaehyun pushed out of the room.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jaehyun came back after washing and changing. It was nearly midnight and everyone else was already sleeping. He didn't think that Taeyong would actually dare to go to sleep in his bed but that's what happened. Not that he minded at all.

He saw that Taeyong lied in the middle of the not so wide bed fast asleep. He lifted the covers enough that he could quietly slip next to the boy.

"What are you doing here?" Taeyong suddenly woke up and stirred against the wall.

"Sleep? What else?" The other sat up and Jaehyun  could then see that he had actually worn his old hoodie he gave him. He looked too cute wearing his clothing, hair messed up, and suddenly, Jaehyun wanted to cuddle him.

"I thought you went somewhere else to sleep."

"Why? My room, my bed-"

"I just thought when you left suddenly...I'll sleep somewhere else then," Taeyong attempted to crawl over him but Jaehyun stopped him. He pushed him against the mattress and wrapped his arm firmly around the other's waist.

"Just sleep here. It's not like we haven't slept together before...wait," Jaehyun pushed himself up on his elbow to look at the other. His other hand slid under the covers and to Taeyong's bare thigh. He had assumed right. Taeyong was only wearing boxers. "You're not wearing pants?"

"You didn't give me any!" Taeyong pushed his hand fast away and turned to his side to face the other way. Jaehyun felt heat growing on his cheeks at the thought of Taeyong's bare slender legs under their shared blanket. He didn't know how he could keep himself from trying to touch them. He would have a long night ahead.

He shifted closer to Taeyong wrapping his hand around his waist and bringing him as close to his chest as possible. The smaller kept still and let Jaehyun embrace him.

 


End file.
